The PJ Tatler

You Can Now Shop the Web for a Feminist Boyfriend!

Wondering how to find the perfect feminist boyfriend? Lisa Bonos has written you a handy guide over at the Washington Post. It includes misinterpreted statistics:


A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career. He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career. Things are moving in this direction: A 2014 study by the moving company Mayflower found that 72 percent of millennials would move for a female spouse’s job, compared with 59 percent of baby boomers.

Follow the links and read the stats to find the real truth of the move scenario, that men often pick jobs that require geographic moves for growth, while women often pick jobs that allow for greater flexibility. And while 72% of millennials might be willing to move for a female spouse’s job, it’s often because, for millennials at least, women are the primary bread-earners in the family, a generational first.

Then the article explains that the passion and impulsive romance that generally keep relationships alive are not feminist:

“If you’re a woman who wants a man to grab you and kiss you because that’s what sweeps you off your feet, realistically, a feminist man is not going to do that,” says Rita Goodroe, a 38-year-old life coach in Northern Virginia who works mostly with singles. “He’s going to ask for permission.”

Which is why most feminists date via the Internet (Bonos references flirting hookup site Tinder) so they can pre-screen potential candidates for the perfect ideological match. Because, God forbid you might get to know someone and develop feelings for them. Where’s the STEM in that?

And like a true feminist anthem, the plan can’t come to terms with gender roles. After laying out the prerequisite declaration of androgyny, “Feminist daters — male or female, gay or straight — aren’t constrained by gender roles,” Bonos unintentionally reaches the logical conclusion most feminists continue to ignore: That gender-specific roles keep the dating world going ’round.


…once she thought about how she — and other women like her — has built herself up “as this feminist, this self-assured woman, this strong person,” she realized that “it becomes harder to access the more feminine parts of yourself that could be more positive.” …If the feminist man is all about blending strength and sensitivity, balancing traditionally masculine traits with traditionally feminine ones, it’s a balance women are also trying to navigate.

The question remains: If you are the proud “30-something single woman, eggs unfrozen” you claim to be, why aren’t you embracing every aspect of your identity, including your femininity? Why don’t you “want it all” from yourself the way you’re encouraging others to “want it all” from someone else?

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