The PJ Tatler

How Secretary John Kerry Can 'Address Long-Term Palestinian Grievances,' Stopping War with Israel

Shortly after touching down in Tel Aviv today (7/23), U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry told the press why he had come to the region.

The goal, Mr. Kerry stressed, was not only to obtain a cease-fire but to map out a “sustainable process going forward” that would address some of the long-term grievances of the Palestinians in Gaza and prevent the fighting between Hamas and Israel from erupting every few years. [emphasis added]

His jet landed at Ben Gurion Airport, Israel’s front door, which had already been slammed shut by U.S. and European officials banning flights in and out. One can only imagine the comfort Kerry’s words brought to the mothers of Israel, whose sons crawl through tunnels attempting to flush out Hamas terrorists.

After all, what long-term grievances might the Palestinians harbor that Mr. Kerry could address?

How about the fact that Israelis live on land that Palestinians will forever claim as their own?

Well, he might address that by agreeing with Hamas and Fatah that a Jew can no longer have an address in the former, and ephemeral, state of Israel. Then he could get back on his plane at Tel Aviv’s new Sheikh Ahmed Ismail Hassan Yassin International Airport and enjoy a ticker-tape parade down Broadway.

That might encourage Hamas to stop lobbing thousands of missiles into the area. Although history shows that if radical Muslims don’t have Jews or Christians to kill (or even if they do), they’ll kill each other. Even Bill Maher knows that.

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Hmmm…perhaps our secretary of State could address the Palestinian grievance that Israel is infested with infidels worthy of slaughter, according to their holy book.  Kerry might helpfully point out to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that “Allah is forgiving and merciful,” so if Bibi’s people will merely convert to Islam, they’ll be spared from the scimitar.

On the other hand, perhaps Kerry could go on a personal jihad to convince bomb-strapped Palestinian Muslims that the Koran doesn’t really say that the infidel should be killed, and that “Islam declared war on terrorism — over 1,400 years ago.”

The New York Times goes deeper into the mind of Secretary Kerry…

The aims of [Kerry’s] surprise visit seemed to be to get a better sense of the Israelis’ bottom line, support the United Nations effort and enhance the stature of Mr. Abbas, whose influence among Palestinians is being eclipsed by that of Hamas.

Apparently our secretary of State wallows about, mystified regarding Israelis’ desire to hold wedding receptions where the bride leaves under her own power in a white dress, rather than supine on a gurney in blood-spattered lace. Mr. Kerry needs “a better sense” of why Jewish bus commuters wish to skim the news on their iPads rather than glancing furtively about, looking for men in bulky jackets who have a short fuse. I’m sure Netanyahu can show Kerry “Israel’s bottom line,” perhaps in the bottom of a bomb shelter filled with Jewish elementary school children.

Once Secretary Kerry has succeed in enhancing the stature of one Palestinian leader (who wants Israel eradicated) vis-à-vis the other Palestinian factional leaders (who want Israel eradicated), I hope he’ll take a moment to watch the following video by my colleague, Andrew Klavan, with an eye toward his legacy at the State Department. No better plan has ever been advanced.