AP Decides to Stop Reporting, Offers Up '5 New Things About Obama'

Look, I can relate. Listicles have all but replaced serious reporting. Sometimes a list can generate traffic and tell a story at the same time.

So what story is the AP telling by trotting out five old things about Barack Obama now that he’s diving in the polls worse than a European soccer player and pretending that they’re new and interesting?

Fast and Furious and Benghazi don’t rate a mention, but “He sings in the bathroom” and “The president can cook” do.

AP gives us five frivolous things about Obama that Buzzfeed would’ve done better. Here are five real things about Obama.

1. He lies.

2. He lies a lot. I mean, like, he lies all the time. Whenever he’s talking, chances are, he’s lying. He lied that if you like your healthcare and doctor, you can keep them. He lied about reaching across the aisle to work with Republicans. He constantly lies about what he believes and what Republicans believe. His big tells: When he says “Let me be clear,” or when he’s just giving a speech. Or answering a question. Or making off the cuff remarks. Or talking.

3. He was born in Hawaii, but his heart is in Moscow. By which I mean to say, that he’s more or less a communist on policy. He likes to take things that belong to other people and give it to people who support him. That makes Obama happy.

4. He likes forcing people to do what he wants, whether it’s good for anyone other than himself or not. See point 3.

5. Despite having accomplished little and gone a long way toward ruining a perfectly good country, he’s a massive narcissist. He basically thinks that he’s the greatest basketball player ever, the greatest economist ever, the greatest doctor ever, the greatest professor ever, the greatest diplomat ever, the greatest lawyer ever, the greatest writer ever, the greatest public speaker ever, and it goes without saying, the greatest president ever.