Breaking: Audi Endorses Sexual Assault!

The Super Bowl has come and gone (nice job Ravens!), but the commercial commentary is still fresh. We had a GoDaddy.com commercial that made many of us vomit in our mouths. Taco Bell made a commercial that showed the geriatric brigade can still party all night. However, there’s always criticism that the commercials are sexist. Even worse, they glamorize sexual assault. Yes, that’s what I read on a Facebook comment last night. Yes, Audi was definitely trying to convey that message in their prom ad.

Not.

Here’s the synopsis courtesy of The Huffington Post.

Faced with the unhappy prospect of attending his senior prom alone, a teenager’s night is totally transformed when his sympathetic dad lends him the keys to a shiny black Audi S6. Cruising to the dance, the teen’s confidence blooms, leading to an impassioned kiss with the pretty prom queen… and an inflamed black eye, courtesy of the prom king.

It’s not really a big deal. However, for feminists, like Amanda Marcotte, who writes for Slate’s Double X blog and led the cyber-lynch mob against the Duke Lacrosse players falsely accused of rape, it was an egregious offense.

The whole “women just need a little force and then they’ll like it” trope is, of course, classic rape culture. Oh, I can hear the squeals of protest. “He didn’t RAPE her, you overly sensitive feminazi whine whine whine”. (Indeed, there’s already huge amounts of whining from dudes who are attached to the fantasy that forcing yourself of a woman will be met with her approval.) But of course, kissing actually is an intimate act and forcibly kissing a woman, while not illegal, will scare the s–t out of her. So, if you think of women as people, then how they actually feel being grabbed and forced into a kiss should matter.

Also, if you consider some forms of forced intimacy “cute” and others to be terrible violations of the person they’re forced on, that sure does muddy the waters! At what point does forcing yourself on a woman stop being cute and start being criminal? When you move on from forcing your tongue down her throat to forcing your hands down her pants? Obviously, the lines start to blur and that’s why it becomes so easy to start talking about how forcibly penetrating women isn’t “rape-rape” but some kind of “gray rape” because blah blah anything-excuse-to-ignore-lack-of-consent.

What’s worse is that the ad didn’t need to have non-consent in it. All they needed to do was have him come in, have her look at him, have their eyes meet and suddenly she’s melting and he walks up, consent obtained, and they make out. It would have been even more effective, since it would have suggested his new virility is visible to others. Instead, they go with “she might resist at first, but women secretly love being forced”.

The worst part, of course, is that it went over so many people’s heads that this was what it was. Which says a lot about why it is that when women are groped, cat-called, or creeped on, so many people tell her that it’s her job to shut up about her dislike of it and be flattered instead.

In the same post detailing the Audi ad, the comments section seemed to reflect what Marcotte was saying, with angry women saying that it’s sexual assault.

Joe Mathis of the Philly Post also said the ad was “rapey.”

• The young woman who receives the kiss chose to be at prom with someone else.

• Our “hero” forcibly turns her around and jams his mouth to hers almost before she can identify him, and certainly without any permission being sought or given. What’s more, this is a demonstration of his new, Audi-fueled power.

• He leaves prom without her—suggesting that she still chooses to be at prom with somebody else.

Well, the last point is stupid. If you’re getting punched in the head, you try to get free and bolt towards the Audi. I missed the tongue jamming part, and I’ll explain why he went stag in a second.

To Marcotte’s point, in any other situation, it would be scary, and wrong, to ambush a girl like that, but she wasn’t frightened. However, in the ad, perhaps the two knew each other, but we’ll have to wait for the Audi Expanded Universe book to set the record straight on this side of the story. Furthermore, it seemed that she was the girl that he had planned to ask out to prom. Hence, why she wasn’t super shocked when he kissed her. Maybe they know each other. Maybe they’re friends. They did continue to kiss, until the prom king beat him up. Maybe the two were too scared to ask each other out during history class.

Another scenario is that they were dating, they broke up before prom, and now he’s trying to win her back. The point is we don’t know the backstory. If she didn’t know him, she probably would have slapped him, which would’ve been appropriate. However, it’s a sixty-second ad. It details a teenager who got the shaft at prom, but was able to drive his dad’s awesome Audi – which gave him the confidence to kiss the girl of his dreams/ex-girlfriend/soon-to-be girlfriend/good friend/really good friend. Take your pick.

To most Americans, it was just an ad. For most young people, it was the thought of owning an Audi that probably resonated. For the rest of the audience, it was time to use the bathroom, get more beer, and make sure the nachos were ready.

Nevertheless, we have another episode showing how feminism is devoid of humor, and fraught with negativity. They have to be the shrill, humorless, dregs on our society because they need to convey the narrative that men are evil, and want to rape everything. That’s how they keep their progressive roots well-nourished. If you continue to view the world as a miserable place, it will then resemble something like a post-apocalyptic Mad Max landscape.

However, it’s not all left-wingers. Touré, who is a 9/11 truther, liked the ad. For a man, who thanked “God and country…that abortion was there to save him”, he liked the pro-sexual assault ad Audi dished out. Will the angry left call him out to retract his endorsement of sexual assault? Furthermore, since feminists are suppose to view things through an egalitarian lens, I don’t hear then equally denouncing the Calvin Klein ad, which is abjectly sexist towards men. Yeah, I hate going down this road, but here we are, again.

If you slam commercials that are sexist towards women (allegedly), but salivate over the Calvin Klein ad, you’re a hypocrite. Full stop.

I’m not saying that “forced” intimacy, or anything, is good. It’s wrong, moronic, and sometimes illegal. What happened in the ad wasn’t sexual assault. It wasn’t rape. It was a kid being stupid by kissing a girl (possible a friend), getting decked for it, and driving off. The horror! The horror!

This dialogue about how this ad was the root of all evil, which ruined the Ravens win is just another reason for men to stay away from women, so they don’t have to deal with all the drama. All the more reason for men not to marry, and I don’t blame my gender for doing so. If I had to hear about how every single Super Bowl commercial, or anything in life, is misogynistic and sexist – and I’m part of the problem – please send me the divorce papers.

The Super Bowl is a sports event. Everyone relax. And feminists – you’re making it so much easier for guys to just stay home watch porn, play video games, and avoid you like the plague. Maybe you want that, but I need to tell you that you’ve already succeeded on that front. All I can say is that I don’t watch the Super Bowl to critique the commercials.

My rant is over. I’m going to finish the last act of Taming of The Shrew. Shakespeare is such a good playwright.