The PJ Tatler

The Rights of Ugly People Must be Protected

According to this article, apparently written by a high school student in New York, legislation has been passed in some districts of California and in the District of Columbia providing affirmative action protections to ugly people. The author opines,

People do not have a say in whether they are going to be an attractive person or not. This was predetermined for them when they were conceived based on the genes of both of their parents. It is hardly fair that someone be discriminated against for something that they have no say in. Affirmative action protects people based on their race, gender, and sexual orientation; all of which are predetermined. It seems only fitting that ugliness also be protected under the umbrella of affirmative action.

There may be problems in defining “ugly” and  lots of ugly folks might not like to be so identified officially. “Onward and Upward!” I say. The obvious definitional problems should not block highly meritorious legislation.

As a small beginning, I propose that affirmative action protections be provided to skinny, bald guys over seventy, known by the acronym SOBs, for Skinny Old Baldies. We are easy to identify and are greatly discriminated against. This must be stopped! The future of the country depends on it.