The PJ Tatler

how to win a writing award by Larry Correia

One of my new favorite writers, Larry Correia, who writes the Monster Hunter International books (yes I’m a complete SF and fantasy geek, and yes like most journalists I’m a frustrated novelist), also has a great blog. This week, among other things, he dissects the classics and tells us how to win a writing award.

1. Make it dreary and impossible to understand. The more befuddling the better.
2. Don’t resolve anything. Resolutions are so bourgeois.
3. Somebody has to get raped. If it is sci-fi, rape a robot.
4. Suicide is good too.
5. Humor is not allowed, unless it is ironic hipster humor that mocks the establishment.
6. If there is an antagonist, make him a thinly veiled version of Dick Cheney.
7. Right-wing dystopia OR evil all-controlling religion. (bonus points for both!)
8. Gay cowboys eating pudding.
9. Make every single character unlikable. If you accidentally create a likable character, see #3 or #4.
10. Moral compasses are so passé. Have your protagonist sexually assault a horse or something.
11. Drug abuse is fun for the whole family. Somebody better be huffing paint.
12. Global warming. Award juries love dying polar bears.

Seven or more gets you a Pulitzer. Get 10 and I guarantee you’ll win the Nobel prize for literature. All 12 might just get you on Oprah.