The Morning Briefing: Tom Brady Ruins Everything

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Monday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. My favorite jelly has the good senses not to involve morality-challenged mint leaves.

Sports fans all have our happy places. This past weekend I was in one of mine: My University of Arizona Wildcat basketball team was not only back in the NCAA men’s tournament, but it was in as a number one seed as well.

Great weekend for a sports fan, right?

Then Tom Brady shows up to ruin things.

Like every bug you’ve ever had infesting your beloved household, Tom Brady decided to infest our lives again. Look, I’m not here to disparage what he’s accomplished as a quarterback in the National Football League, even though I do think he would have not been nearly as successful had he played in the NFL of the 1970s. Let’s be honest here: If Brady couldn’t move the ball downfield with pass interference calls his career might have lasted three years.

Brady decided to make it all about his annoying self again over the weekend, which Matt wrote about:

Well, that was quick. After previously announcing that he was retiring from professional football, famed quarterback Tom Brady has changed his mind and is coming back next season.

“These past two months I’ve realized my place is still on the field and not in the stands,” Brady announced on social media moments ago. “That time will come. But it’s not now. I love my teammates, and I love my supportive family. They make it all possible. I’m coming back for my 23rd season in Tampa. Unfinished business LFG.”

What kind of mindset makes one think he shouldn’t stay home and just hang out with his smoking hot supermodel wife? I mean, has this guy been checked for a head injury in the NFL concussion protocol?

I know that conventional sports wisdom says that Brady is the Greatest of All Time (GOAT) to play quarterback in the NFL.

Those same people probably thought that The Big Bang Theory was a funny sitcom.

FYI: it wasn’t.

Brady’s return makes the NFL more unwatchable than ever. I can’t apologize to you if you’re a fan. He’s that awful.

I’ll leave it at that, but I might share some sentiments on the other side of the paywall this week.

Everything Isn’t Awful

Good News Alert:

The University of Helsinki has announced it will accept students who had to escape from Ukraine free of charge.

They will not have to write any entrance exams or pay any fees.

It will be completely free.#Humanity 🇫🇮 🎓 pic.twitter.com/RY50gOHADu

— Goodable (@Goodable) March 13, 2022

Around the Interwebz

Bee Me

Biden Complains That White House Staff Keep Draping Flags Over Him Every Time He Napshttps://t.co/MNsObOKJbg

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) March 14, 2022