Kruiser's (Almost) Daily Distraction: Chickens, Goats, and I Answer Some Questions

(Kruiser’s Permanote Description: This column is intended to be a lighthearted, short-form way to frequently connect with our cherished VIP readers. Sometimes it will be serious. Sometimes it will be fun. Sometimes it will be a cornucopia of intellectual curiosities and fascinations. OK, maybe not so much the last one. Anyway, as this is a departure for me, I’m including this explanation at the top of each post for a while. Also, non-subscribers can see the first couple of paragraphs so I am in desperate need of filler until we get to the private stuff (subscribe here). Please remember that there is a standing invitation to ask me anything in the comments. Once a week, I’ll answer.)

Ee I, Ee I, O

I am an odd mix of urban and rural. I spent some of formative years living in a mountain town that had a population of 2,700 at the time. No street lights. Not even a Walmart way back then. Our “shopping mall” was actually a Sears catalog. Then I spent a good chunk of my adult life as a resident of Los Angeles. In my perfect world, I’d have a condo in Santa Monica and house out in the desert west of my native Tucson.

Now I live in the middle of town, but Tucson being Tucson, there a lot of people near me who have chickens and goats.


One of my neighbors walks her goats every night. I bump into them a lot if I’m out for a walk. They’re so cool that I’m becoming slightly obsessed with getting a goat or two. They seem like wonderfully quirky and fun pets.

I’d love to have some chickens because I eat a LOT of eggs. I usually keep about three dozen in my fridge and I get kind of nervous when I only have a dozen left.

The only reason I hesitate taking the goat/chicken plunge is because I want to hit the road a lot once all of the masked travel crap ends.

I know, I’m an optimist.

If airlines are still requiring masks and not serving booze in coach a year from now, I’m probably going to stay home forever. Drop by if you need any eggs.

OK, it’s time to finally answer some questions again. And you all should be asking more. This is a great opportunity to get me to ‘fess up about personal stuff.

Both are from Jennifer, who is a stalwart member of our “5 O’Clock Somewhere” community.

1: Mr. Kruiser- you’ve podcasted that you don’t like the idea of standup by Zoom. You can’t ask for a more supportive audience than your VIPs. Why don’t you do a short set by Zoom for your VIPs?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since you asked it way back in January. I’m seriously considering getting some real production value here and giving it a shot. I’d need a real camera, some lighting, and a microphone just to hold. It probably wouldn’t even be on. Something I should tell everyone who might want to watch is that I don’t really do political humor. I might throw a joke or two in for a VIP-only audience. People who became aware of me here first are often surprised by the fact that I’m not a political comic when they first see me live.

2: How is the progress on your next book? How far along are you? Are you writing a sequel to “Straight Outta Feelings”?

OK, those are two questions but they’re related.

I’m working on two books at the moment. One is a book about happiness (no, really) that is about to get its third reboot. Not a third draft—I’m writing a whole new outline and starting over. I think it’s going to be very good but I want it to be funnier.

Yes, I am working on the sequel to Straight Outta Feelings. It’s titled Still Outta Feelings and it covers the 2020 election and how I still manage to not let politics get to me. It isn’t very long, but I wanted to wait until Ol’ Gropes had been in office a few months to make sure my zen was authentic.

It is.

I’m going to say that I should have it finished by the end of May. I’m telling all of you that for the accountability.

I better wake up earlier tomorrow.


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