Valentine's Day Warning

Warning: Don’t ever, EVER try to use–or at least depend on–800 number floral delivery services.

My girlfriend happens to live in another city. I love her madly and like to send her flowers when we’re apart for a while. The last time I tried to send her flowers through a famous 800 number floral delivery service, they failed to deliver on the the day I’d asked for and I had to spend an hour on the phone with their useless help-line to get them there at all a day late.

This Valentine’s Day I thought I’d play it smart, I’d order from a different widely advertised florists delivery service, for delivery February 13, just in case florists ran out of long stemmed roses as they sometimes do on V-day itself, just to make sure some reasonable facsimile of my flower order arrived by February 14.

Well I’ve just spent another hour on the phone with two help-line services, the 800 number delivery service and UPS, the carrier that was supposed to make the delivery. When the flowers didn’t arrive at her office today as promised, I discovered that the moronic order-taker at the floral delivery service had given UPS an address label which included only the name of the company she worked for, not her name.

Duh, they’re flowers, for a person, not a company. All of this concatenating incompetence the result of e-communications which I believe will destroy Love in our time. It’s almost as if the flower companies were trying to destroy Love.

At least UPS sounded like they’d make an effort to redeliver to the named person (not the company in general) by tomorrow, Valentine’s Day.

But I think it’s only fair to warn those who depend on their love being expressed in a timely manner not to trust the 800 numbers.

I’ll report on the results of the latest promises. The course of true love ne’er did run smooth.

Meanwhile, To my beautiful, brilliant sweetheart T., if you don’t get the flowers on time, let me at least hope you’ll get the message here: I love you, darling.