Roger’s Rules

Further those "Christian" Tomatoes

The hilarity never stops among those lovable jihadists. When they’re not trying to calculate exactly how thick a stick you may use to beat your wife (all the best authorities seem to concur that it’s about the thickness of your thumb), they’re pouring through the vegetable kingdom in order to discover cruciferous foods that they can then ban. (Interesting, is it not, that a Google search for the allowable thickness of the stick with which to beat your wife brought up 122,000,000 “hits,” so to speak; clearly it is a matter of concern among the followers of the Religion of Peace.)

Regular readers will recall that just the other day I reported in this space on the unhappy fate of the noble tomato. Slice it down the middle and, lo! there you’ll find a delectable cross shaped structure holding in the luscious fruit. But wait just a second, Mohammed, that tomato, containing in its inmost heart the shape of a cross, may be the work of the devil! So hands off.

I reported this in general terms the other day. It is one of the benefits of being at The New Criterion that we attract the very highest quality intern. One of our current crop, a student at Yale, is Nicholas Aubin, and, seeing my post, he helpfully provided this translation of the Arabic script:

It is a sin to eat the tomato, because it is Christian and it praises the Cross instead of Allah, and bears witness to the fact that Allah is one third of the Trinity. God Forbid…. Swear by Allah that you will spread the news of this, because there is a Sister from Palestine who saw the Prophet Muhammad in a vision, and he called out a warning of death to those who eat of it.

Don’t say you weren’t warned!