Now We Can Rest Easy, We Have a Gay White House Communications Director

AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said it Friday: “Also new, uh, I also know uh, that Ben is making history.” She was referring to Ben LaBolt, the new White House communications director. “As you know,” Jean-Pierre struggled on, “we believe here, in the Biden-Harris White House, that representation matters, he will be the first openly, uh, gay, uh, um, uh, communications director, which is very, very important indeed.” It is? With the military shooting a series of strange and unexplained objects out of the sky, a nonexistent Southern border, skyrocketing inflation, and all the rest of the catastrophes that Biden’s handlers have caused, it’s good to know they have a firm grasp of what’s really important, and are doggedly continuing to pander to their gay base.

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To be sure, Ben LaBolt may actually be qualified to serve as communications director for the Biden Dumpster Fire. He is, according to a New York Times report Friday, “a veteran press adviser to former President Barack Obama.” Jean-Pierre herself touted his résumé Friday, stating that LaBolt “has had a top role — communications role on the last three successful Supreme Court nominations by Democratic Presidents.” What’s more, “We all got to work with him closely when he was the head of communications for the confirmation of Jus- — of now-Justice Jackson.”

Jean-Pierre added, “I’ve known Ben for many years, including both Obama-Biden campaigns and the Obama-Biden White House, where he worked on climate change and civil rights. I was happy to reconnect with him when he took over communications for nominations during the transition, helping advance the case for the most diverse Cabinet in history, and for a host of groundbreaking sub-Cabinet positions as well.” It was after pointing all that out that Jean-Pierre added what she clearly considered to be the pièce de résistance, the best and most important detail of all: the bit about LaBolt being the first homosexual White House communications director, which she insisted was “very, very important indeed.”

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It’s a shame that there are so few actual reporters in the White House press corps, as it would have been nice if a journalist had been present to ask Jean-Pierre to explain exactly why it was “very, very important” to have a homosexual communications director. The Biden White House is certainly far more concerned with sexual issues than any administration before it, but nonetheless, as communications director, Ben LaBolt will also have to deal with a great many matters that have nothing whatsoever to do with sex and sexuality. Clearly he has been laboring in the Democrat vineyards for a long time, but now Jean-Pierre has raised the same questions that were asked about her as well, and other Biden appointments: did they get the job because of their qualifications, or because they allowed Biden’s handlers to check off a few diversity boxes?

The Biden regime has not exactly been an advertisement for diversity hires. Karine Jean-Pierre herself only has her job because she is a black lesbian, and she has given us abundant proof that she is woefully unqualified to perform her duties. Cameroonian reporter Simon Ateba said it best during a January 2023 White House press briefing: “You don’t seem a good fit for this job.” Indeed she isn’t. But being a good fit for the job was never something that concerned Biden’s handlers; she is a black lesbian, and that’s all that matters.

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Related: Pete Buttigieg Would Have Been Fired Long Ago if He Were Straight

Then there was Sam Brinton, the “gender-fluid,” in-your-face, puppy-playing former Deputy Assistant Secretary for Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy in the Department of Energy, who got his job precisely because he was “gender-fluid” and in your face about it, and who lost that job because he had too much baggage — baggage, that is, belonging to women, which he purloined in airport baggage claim areas. The Biden White House didn’t see Brinton’s obvious character flaws as a bug, but as a feature, and ended up getting a bracing lesson in why it might not be a bad idea to hire relatively stable and mature people instead of those who revel in breaking taboos and outraging the sensibilities of ordinary Americans.

But no lessons were actually learned, and so now we have a gay White House communications director. What a relief! The government’s business will be done so much more efficiently and smoothly now that systemic, uh, systemic cisnormativity has been eradicated! It’s so reassuring to know, in this time of so many crises and so much global uncertainty, that Biden’s handlers have a resolute focus on their priorities.

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