Free Willy! Human, er, Member Found at Gas Station

I thought forgetting my gas cap on the pump was bad.

A dis “membered” (see what I did there?) johnson was discovered at an Alabama gas station off of I-10. A shocked customer found the severed sausage Monday around 6 a.m.

Multiple sources have confirmed to Lagniappe that a human penis was found at a gas station Monday morning in Midtown Mobile. https://t.co/qJWELUOdQA

— Lagniappe (@LagniappeMobile) January 30, 2023

How did it get there? Does the owner know it’s missing? Has it been reported stolen?

Shmekl sleuths don’t suspect foul play, but something far worse.

Video (ew) shows the todger falling off a truck that pulled into the station to gas up. But how did the wandering weiner find its way to the front of a truck?

Minutes before the dingle discovery, a motorcyclist was killed in a grueling crash on the highway. The rider appeared to have lost his balance (among other things) and fallen off his bike. He was then struck by several cars, only one of which stopped. Police believe — though have not ascertained — that the crotch rocket may have belonged to the deceased.

Was the truck that it fell off of involved in the accident?

A shocked Twitter user claims to have known the man and suggests “the dude was literally torn to pieces on the interstate during the accident and his pen*s fell off the front end of a truck when the truck got off the interstate. What the f***.”

Police are looking for drivers who may have unwittingly run over the biker.