Bombs Away! 88-year-old Man Has WWI Cannon Shell Removed From His Rectum

Alternative headlines: “Great Artillery Aim” and “Now He Wants It Out?”

An 88-year-old French man somehow walked into a hospital with a WWI artillery shell sticking out of his keister. The unfired round is eight inches long and more than two inches wide.

Man, 88, sparks hospital evacuation in France after arriving with 8ins WWI artillery shell stuck in his rectumhttps://t.co/y064j5l7mT

— Lotus Eaters News (@lotuseatersnews) December 21, 2022

FACT-O-RAMA! An ER doctor once told me a man came into the hospital with a can of Aqua Net hairspray in his tailpipe which bulged from his lower abdomen. When the doctor pressed on the protuberance, she could hear hairspray being released.

Part of the hospital was evacuated in case the man’s buttocks exploded, but bomb disposal experts arrived and declared the shell was a relic and not likely to go off.

Doctors made an incision in the elderly man’s abdomen (ouch!) and removed the collector’s piece from his back door.

Dirty Bomb

So this guy must be the only man to squeeze an artillery round up his arse, right? Nope.

A British man came to a hospital with a not-as-old but still impressive WWII shell in his caboose just over one year ago. The man claimed he “fell” on the upright projectile as he was “tidying up” his home.

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ARSE-O-RAMA! Another ER doctor once told me men frequently come into the hospital with foreign objects stuck in their patooties and most claim it was an accident. For example, a man came in with a Power Ranger action figure in his prison wallet and claimed his nephew left the figure standing and he slipped and fell on it after coming out of the shower.

Whereas most men claim the (insert weird object) stuck in their derrière is an accident, the French doctors are pretty sure the 88-year-old inserted the explosive for sexual kicks. They, too, have seen a lot of silly items lodged in men’s bazoos.

“An apple, a mango, or even a can of shaving foam, we are used to finding unusual objects inserted where they shouldn’t be,” a doctor stated. “But a shell? Never!”

The elderly thrill-seeker is said to be doing well and recovering.