News & Politics

Florida Man Found With Drugs Taped to His Privates, Claims They Aren't His

(AP Photo/Fernando Vergara)

A Florida man (of course) was busted with baggies of cocaine and meth wrapped around his willie. He claimed the drugs were not his. That’s a nice twist on an old classic.

Patrick Florence, 36, was riding with his friend when they were pulled over for driving without their lights on at roughly 4 a.m. The driver was hit with a DUI charge as well as possession of pot.

The cops searched the car and found a gun under Florence’s seat. This lead to his being frisked. That’s when cops found two baggies wrapped around his crank, one with cocaine and one with meth.

After cops found the packages on his package, Florence was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine, possession of meth, possession of a firearm, and possession of ammo. This is Florence’s 21st drug-related arrest.

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Florence wouldn’t say who owns the drugs that were wrapped around his business, but he assured cops they were not his.

He also isn’t the first person to try this subterfuge. Florida man (of course) Wesley Scott pulled three syringes out of his keister (I hope they were capped) after being searched in 2019. He too claimed he didn’t own the syringes, but he found them, and for reasons unknown, hid them in his rectum. He handed them to a jailer and was charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility

But wait, there’s more.

Florida woman (of course) Tiffany Flores was busted with a crack pipe hidden in her vagina in 2016. She and a friend were pulled over and a cop found a bag of cocaine that had been dropped out the passenger window where Flores was sitting. Flores admitted it was hers. She was then taken to jail. Flores refused to go through a scanner, claiming she was pregnant. When a pregnancy test came back negative, she was scanned and police noticed she was hiding something in her vagina. She removed it and was promptly charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility.

What Have We Learned?

If you are keeping contraband in your private parts, pull them out BEFORE you are in jail, otherwise, you get hit with another charge. And who wants to use those drugs now anyway?