News & Politics

Shoot Somebody and Get $1,000 Per Month to Play Nice. Way to Go, de Blasio.

Shoot Somebody and Get $1,000 Per Month to Play Nice. Way to Go, de Blasio.
(AP Photo/Julio Cortez, File)

Cap a thug and you’re hired! New York City Commissar Bill de Blasio is pushing a plan to pay young gun bruisers $1,000 a month to stop shooting people.

How To Apply

It’s called the “Advance Peace” program and here is how it works: a young “gun enthusiast” shoots someone—an opposing gang member, a cab driver or an innocent bystander, it doesn’t matter whom. The victim dies and the shooter will be paid $1,000 a month to stay out of trouble AND spend time with an older ex-jailbird, oops I mean “neighborhood-change agent” who will show the misguided youth how to live life without shooting people.

Scouts Honor

To be eligible, the lucky teen needs to shoot someone to death take part in a “fatal firearms offense.” De Blasio believes it’s foolish to send a murderer to prison when you can pay him $1,000 a month in the hopes he agrees to stop honeycombing his neighbors.

The applicant below was denied because, though he did shoot a man while hiding amongst children, he did not kill his target or either of the kids.

Numerous applicants threw their hats into the ring last night, racking up an impressive 16 human bullseyes in two hours. Remember, there MUST be a fatality to be considered for the de Blasio gig. Perhaps applicants need to work on their aim before chasing the $1,000-a-month payoff.

We have a possible candidate from the Bronx, who brazenly drilled two people in broad daylight, sending one of them to Shangri-la.

Moscow on the Hudson

This is just the last part of de Blasio’s commie plan. He let criminals out of jail over COVID and killed off the anti-crime unit. He and Cuomo scrapped bail, keeping thugs on the street. Paying them off is just the next step in his woke plan to kill the greatest city on earth and turn it into a pinko paradise. Expect more of this nonsense. De Blasio’s term will be over and he just might decide to go full commtard on his way out.