News & Politics

Iranians Lick Door of Holy Shrine to Show Coronavirus Who's Boss

(Twitter screenshot)

Remember World War III? It started two months ago today, when Iranian terrorist Qasem Soleimani went bye-bye and our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters in the press instantly declared that the world was coming to an end. They shrieked and caterwauled about our impending doom at the hands of Orange Hitler, until everybody realized it wasn’t actually going to happen. Then their ratings started dropping again, so they found other stuff to shriek and caterwaul about. They always do.

As it turns out, the U.S. could’ve saved the cost of the Hellfire missiles that turned Soleimani into spaghetti. We don’t need to do anything to wipe out Iran. The Iranians are determined to take care of that for us.

Yaron Steinbuch, NY Post:

Shocking footage has emerged of Iranians tempting fate by licking the doors and a burial mound at the Fatima Masumeh Shrine in Qom, the epicenter of the Islamic Republic’s COVID-19 outbreak.

Journalist Masih Alinejad shared video of the disturbing practice, noting that officials have refused to shut down the religious shrines — while the death toll in the country stands at 66, with more than 1,500 infected…

Meanwhile, it was reported Monday that a close adviser to Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei died of the illness.

Here’s the video. It’s pretty gross!

Well, people travel from all over the world to my ancestral homeland to kiss the Blarney Stone, so I don’t suppose I can cast aspersions. People rub the nose of Abe Lincoln’s statue in Springfield, Ill., because they think it brings luck. People do all kinds of stupid $#!+. If these guys end up getting sick and dying because of such unsanitary behavior, at least it’ll be kind of funny.

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a licker.

Maybe I’m jaded, but I’m not scared of this thing yet. I’m not saying it’s a hoax (and neither did Trump), and everybody should take the necessary precautions, but I’ve lived through SARS and Ebola and hantavirus and whatever else, so I’m not panicking yet. If the world isn’t destroyed by a virus, it’ll be destroyed by a giant asteroid. Or it’ll be destroyed by nuclear war, triggered by whichever of the septuagenarians America chooses on Election Day. Whatever.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch a movie to take my mind off things…