News & Politics

Stephen Colbert Knows What the #Resistance Needs: Orange Puns

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

I kept an open mind about the whole “Russian collusion” thing for two long years. Follow the evidence and let the chips fall where they may, that was my philosophy. But now that the whole narrative has gone bye-bye, our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters don’t know what to do with themselves. They just knew there was collusion, like they just knew Hillary was going to win.* It didn’t happen, and once again they find themselves at odds with their worst enemy: reality.

At least they’ve got hilarious professional comedians like Stephen Colbert to comfort them!

An entire roomful of comedy writers put their heads together and came up with… that. A string of food-based puns. Who do they think they are, a bunch of bloggers?

See, Trump said “oranges” when he meant “origins.” Ha ha ha! What a dope. How does he keep beating the people who are so much smarter than he is? Seriously, how? Somebody please tell them how this keeps happening?!?

Either Trump is a Machiavellian genius who pulled off the biggest conspiracy in the history of the United States, or he’s a complete idiot because he flubs common words. Make up your minds, guys.

If Orange-gate doesn’t take Trump down, maybe they’ll get him with the revelation that he cheats at golf. Nobody really cares about any of the other stuff the press has thrown at him, but maybe that bombshell will be the one that wins the war. Or maybe it’ll be the next typo in a tweet, or the next fast-food banquet for college athletes, or the next gust of wind that wobbles his combover, or… something. Anything. Please, please, just anything.

I really don’t understand how you can base your whole identity, your whole existence, on hating a politician.** It’s nice that Colbert makes a lot of money now, but all the clapter in the world won’t make him funny again. Those days are long gone.

*So did I. The difference is, since then I’ve been trying to learn from it.
**Or worshipping one. (Sorry, Trumpkins!)