News & Politics

Why Doesn't AOC Want to Vote on the Green New Deal?

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-New York, speaks during South by Southwest on Saturday, March 9, 2019, in Austin, Texas. (Nick Wagner/Austin American-Statesman via AP)

As all decent and reasonable people know by now, we only have 12 years left to save the planet from the devastation of globalclimatewarmingchange. By 2031, it will be too late. Humanity will be doomed. We must act now. Now! NOW!!!

Well. I mean… maybe not right this minute?

How dare Mitch McConnell hold a vote on Ocasio-Cortez’s proposal? Sorry, I mean a “bluff-vote.” That’s a waste of time. Time we don’t have as a planet. We’re already behind AOC’s schedule!

We need to do this immediately, and also, it’s a waste of time to vote on it. Both things are true, and if you disagree, you’re just scared of AOC and obsessed with her.

If history has taught us anything, it’s that walls don’t work and socialism does. Just look at the evidence! (Also, please don’t look at the evidence.)

How could she be wrong about this? Just look at all those likes and retweets she gets. As a wise woman once said: “I think that there’s a lot of people more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right.”

Feelings don’t care about your facts!