News & Politics

Trump Serves Burgers, Libs Pounce

President Donald Trump talks to the press about the table full of fast food in the State Dining Room of the White House in Washington, Monday, Jan. 14, 2019, during a reception for the 2018 college football playoff National Champion Clemson Tigers. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

There are a lot of disadvantages to being Trump-neutral in 2019. The two prevailing camps, #NeverTrump and #AlwaysTrump, get very upset indeed at those of us who are staunchly #SometimesTrump. We have to live with the fact that a lot of good, honest, hard-working Americans on both sides of the aisle hate our guts because we refuse to automatically praise or condemn every single thing Trump does. If we concede when we think he makes a good point and/or criticize him when we think he does something dumb, we’re branded “Nazis” or “cucks,” as the case may be. Sometimes both at the same time! It can get very confusing, and I don’t blame anybody who gets fed up with it and joins one tribe or the other. You can really save yourself a lot of headaches.

But one of the advantages of being a traitor to both sides is that I get to enjoy when Trump does something fun. I don’t have to signal my virtue to one team or the other. I can just gaze in wonder at things like this:

The slop heard ’round the world! “Many, many french fries.” I think I just found my new ringtone.

I mean, come on. That’s funny, right? Everybody knows that the only thing Trump loves more than eating fast food is making lavish displays of his personal wealth. So when it came time to solve the problem of feeding these guys… presto! Put the two together and it’s the Trumpiest thing ever. A Big Mac on a fine china plate might as well be the presidential seal.

But everything has to be a battle, even a table of simple hamburgers. What do you feel when you look at this picture?

If you said “unbridled rage and an urgent need to expose that liar yet again,” there’s a place for you in the mainstream media. Our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters aren’t going to let Orange Hitler get away with this atrocity.

I don’t mean to tell the libs their business, but if you’re trying to win back middle ‘Murica, maybe turning up your nose at fast food isn’t the way to do it? I’m pretty sure those guys all survived that harrowing ordeal.

On the other hand, it’s nice that criticizing the president’s eating habits is no longer racist. Remember what a fuss they made when we pointed out that Obama eats dogs?

Meanwhile, the players didn’t seem to mind what Cheeto Drumpf put them through:

If the usual script plays out, these young men will now be doxed and shamed for daring to do or say anything that makes Trump look good.

Note to all Americans, pro-Trump or anti-Trump or otherwise: It’s okay to unclench once in a while. Not everything has to be a knife fight. Or, in this case, a spork fight. You actually can lighten up for two seconds and enjoy a fun, silly moment like this.

Sometimes a burger is just a burger.