News & Politics

Matt Damon Redeems Himself in Hollywood's Eyes by Piling on Brett Kavanaugh on SNL

Hey, remember when Harvey Weinstein was accused of rape by multiple women? Remember when Matt Damon and George Clooney released a movie right in the middle of the #MeToo mess, as half the guys they knew were being accused of sexual misconduct, and their promotional tour was derailed because they had to hem and haw about how much they knew about Weinstein, their friend and boss? Remember how Damon said we should give men the benefit of the doubt when they’re accused of sexual assault, and everybody screamed at him to STFU, and he groveled for forgiveness? Remember all that?

And remember the last time Matt Damon had a hit movie?

Well, forget all that, because #MattDamonIsGoodNow.

This is why the Democrats violated Christine Blasey Ford’s privacy. The Republicans offered her the opportunity to testify behind closed doors, in a place of her choosing, and yet on Thursday, she testified under oath that she didn’t know she had that option. Either she lied about that under penalty of perjury, or none of the people she trusted ever told her about it. The Democrats didn’t want Ford to testify unless there were cameras in the room. They didn’t want her to make the wrong choice.

Because what would be the propaganda value in that? If none of this had happened on live TV, we wouldn’t have any #AngryKavanaugh memes. We wouldn’t have all the pundits jabbering about Kavanaugh’s “judicial temperament” (as if the guy is supposed to keep his cool when he’s being smeared as a rapist). And SNL wouldn’t be able to do a hilarious skit mocking an innocent man, portrayed by a fading Hollywood actor who really needs to get back in the good graces of his peers.

The Democrats don’t have the truth on their side, so they need propaganda. And they’ve betrayed Christine Blasey Ford to get it.

It’s not a witch hunt until one of the accused whirls around and points at somebody else and screams, “There’s one, get ’em!” That’s what Matt Damon just did. The heat is off him now.

Or so he thinks. But if this is the new standard of proof, if presumption of innocence is no longer on the table, I say we go with it. Fair’s fair, right? So how about this:

Matt Damon mocked Brett Kavanaugh for lifting weights, yet he lifts weights himself. He claims he’s preparing for movie roles. Like when the fortysomething actor got all jacked up so he could trot out Jason Bourne yet again.

But what if there’s another, more plausible explanation for Damon’s rigorous exercise regimen? What if he really needs all that strength training so he can hold women down as he’s raping them?

Why are we supposed to assume otherwise?

Are there any women out there who could credibly accuse Matt Damon of sexual assault? All it takes is one woman to step forward and make that claim, and we’re all supposed to assume she’s telling the truth. She doesn’t need to tell us where it happened. She doesn’t need to tell us when it happened. She doesn’t need any witnesses. She doesn’t need any evidence whatsoever. All it takes is an accusation to ruin a man’s life.

And then, which Hollywood actor will Lorne Michaels call up to portray Matt Damon? Which backstabbing Hollywood scumbag will throw him under the bus to save themselves?

I mean, come on, Matt Damon is a privileged white male. It’s impossible to look at the guy and not think: “Rapist.” Ugh.

Please note that I’m not accusing anybody of rape. I’m just asking why we should assume this guy I don’t like isn’t a rapist. Can he prove he never did it? After all, this isn’t a court of law and I’m not expected to abide by any of those rules.

You know what would clear this up? An FBI investigation.

If that makes you angry… if it seems unfair and dangerous and un-American…

You’re damn right it is.