The Stupidest Article About Guns You Will Ever Read

Me scared

Bar none. Go ahead, I dare you to read it and not thump your head against the nearest wall. It starts badly enough:

Contrary to what those who defend the right to own high-powered assault rifles believe, not all guns are created equal. Due to a combination of availability, portability and criminal usage the following five types of guns are the country’s most dangerous.

And then gets worse. The link takes you to the instantly infamous piece in Rolling Stone by some poor lassie named Kristen Gwynne entitled, “The Five Most Dangerous Guns in America.” Now, most normal people reading that might think what follows is a list of suggestions for your next firearms purchase — you know, something that packs major firepower into an attractive, well-priced package that will instantly deter or atomize a bad guy should the need arise. But no. It’s an anti-gun piece. And by “anti-gun,” I don’t mean anti specific makes and models. Oh no…

Using firearm trace data from the ATF, as well as FBI homicide records, we determined the types of guns most often recovered from crime scenes and/or used in murders. The numbers are stark: According to the FBI’s 2012 Crime in the US data, nearly 70 percent of homicides for which the FBI received weapons data involved the use of a firearm and handguns alone accounted for about 72 percent of firearms used in murders and non-negligent manslaughter. While the FBI does not elaborate on the type of handguns used in these incidents, the ATF’s analysis of weapons confiscated from crime scenes provides a more specific look at the weapons criminals prefer, which we’ve shared with you here.

Holy cow, what could they be? The Glock G42? The Smith and Wesson 500? Gatling guns? Derringers?

Ready? Aim… and fire after the jump.

Run for your lives! It’s inanimate, legal, freely available objects protected by the Second Amendment!

The “types of guns most often recovered from crime scenes and/or used in murders”? Amazingly, they are exactly the same types of guns most often used in defense of one’s person, property, family or nation. Here is the Rolling Stone List of Death:

Pistols
Revolvers (also handguns)
Rifles
Shotguns and…
Derringers

In other words, all guns. Plus Derringers, just for good measure. And did they mention Derringers? No, I am not making this particular piece of “service journalism” up. It really is that stupid. Be sure to read the comments. My favorite so far: