#MeToo: I Was Sexually Harassed by the NFL, JLo, and Fox TV

I was sexually harassed.

It happened on Sunday night during the NFL Super Bowl halftime show. It’s very difficult for me to come forward about this because I feel ashamed and guilty for even watching the halftime show. I should have learned my lesson in 2004 when I was assaulted by Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction.” But I took the risk, much like wearing a miniskirt to a singles bar, and I lined up my family to watch a football game.

I should have known better. I shouldn’t have trusted that the same organization that has made me feel uncomfortable for years wouldn’t one day take it too far. It’s probably my fault. At least, that’s what people on Twitter have said. I should have known better, I’m a prude, I shouldn’t get so upset about a fun sexy moment. The details are a little fuzzy because I was slightly impaired from the libations on the Super Bowl party cart, which of course lowered my inhibitions, making it difficult for me to consent to any sexual activity.

All I know is that I was having a wonderful time and laughing at funny commercials and eating yummy snacks when, all of a sudden, Jennifer Lopez and the NFL sexually harassed me. Lopez put her barely covered private parts in my face and rubbed it. She then bent over and showed me her bare bottom in a suggestive way. I didn’t want this. No one asked for my consent. Fox TV cameramen were involved too. It was basically a rape-train perpetrated by Jennifer Lopez, NFL halftime coordinators, and Fox TV cameramen. And they did it intentionally. And they’re not sorry. The NFL is rebroadcasting my harassment on their website right now! I have ten times the amount of evidence of sexual harassment against me than Christine Blasey Ford did against Brett Kavanaugh and I’m betting there will be no congressional hearings over it.

They also harassed my children until I could get them out of the room. I don’t know what you call it when grown-ups do suggestive performances in front of children but I think it’s something like “corruption of a minor” or “grooming.” Whatever it was, it was traumatizing for them and me. They certainly didn’t consent because they are minors and minors can’t consent to any sexual activity. The NFL, Jennifer Lopez, and FoxTV are statutory sexual harassers.

In California, it’s illegal to sexually “annoy” a child. This means that a person can be arrested for acting in a sexual way in front of children without touching them at all. I’m very sure that’s what happened to my children during the Super Bowl halftime show. Who can we arrest? In Florida, where the Super Bowl was held, the definition of harassment also seems to apply. Harassment “means to engage in a course of conduct directed at a specific person which causes substantial emotional distress to that person and serves no legitimate purpose.”

I don’t know what legitimate purpose Jennifer Lopez had for putting her private parts in the faces of America, but I know my family didn’t want to see it. Since I was unprepared for the sexual harassment that the NFL foisted on me and my minor children, I was unable to turn it off fast enough to avoid it. What we suffered was an unwanted sexual encounter. No one asked for my consent. Neither the NFL nor Fox TV displayed a warning before the halftime show that the material would be graphic or sexual in nature. They did not give the audience any chance to escape or opt out before springing bare butts and something that looked like hoo-ha floss on an unsuspecting crowd full of minors. Who can I sue?

This kind of aggressive sexuality forced on people who don’t consent is not okay, according to the feminists in the #MeToo movement. Who wrote this halftime show? Harvey Weinstein? When he did this to people he got arrested and canceled. I thought that when I went to the Twitter #MeToos that they would rally to my cause and demand that the NFL and everyone involved in this harassment be immediately shamed and canceled for what they did to me and my children. Instead, they said “Okay Prude,” and continued to spread clips of my assault all over the internet, praising the quivering bottoms that were forced, unwanted, into my face. I don’t really know how this new “sexual harassment” thing works. Do you?

Here’s the #PepsiHalftime show that the NFL thought was great for all ages! It featured stripper poles, butt shots with kids standing behind them, adults grinding & gyrating, rope to tie yourself with and plenty of crotch shots! What a wholesome show for little kids to watch. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/k31U8FD0Yg

— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) February 3, 2020