Dylan Mulvaney Can't Get a Date

Dylan Mulvaney wuz robbed. After undergoing multiple drastic and probably painful surgeries to make him look more like a woman, Mulvaney is discovering that no one is interested in going out with him. According to the Daily Caller, Mulvaney told People in March that he feels like someone who should not be single. Well, we’re all entitled to feel how we want. Reality frequently has other plans.

According to Mulvaney, “I’m getting a little impatient because, especially when you’re feeling yourself and even looking at that Grammys picture, I’m like, that’s somebody who should not be single. But then you’re like, wait, why is no one in the DMs?” He also has a live-stream variety show coming up later in the month and said:

We’re working towards that. I can’t wait for the day that I get to show people that a trans person can be in a healthy, happy relationship. I really want somebody to make me laugh because so much of starting to succeed and have these great things come has been a little serious at times, having to put this businesswoman hat on. But I think once I do meet that person that can add some levity, add some lightness back to my life and I know that I can make them laugh in the same way, that is going to chef’s kiss.

Hang in there, Dylan, there’s somebody for everyone. Some day, your prince, princess, or whatever they/them are at that particular moment, will come.

Dylan actually has every right to be perplexed. After all, he followed the societal norms and did what the cool, smart, intellectually and sexually elite people told him to do. He followed the plan and literally put himself on the cutting edge. And he looks pretty convincing, I’ll give him that. Ideally, the suitors should be lining up.

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But just because you say you’re a woman, and the powers that be say you are a woman, and the pronoun salad people say you are a woman, that doesn’t make you a woman. In fact, gushing about your “Barbie pocket” is an affront to every woman who has overcome real sexism, domestic abuse, and other problems to go on to do great things. I worked alongside women on the fire lines who never said a word about how much of a woman they were, let alone “Barbie pockets.” They just got the job done. There is more to being a woman than physiognomy. Deep down, people know that. I talked to a woman the other day who took me to task. She said, “You talk about how everyone hates straight, white men. But they are trying to erase me.” And she was right.

The root of the problem may be the fact that we have become very narcissistic, a situation that has been exacerbated by social media. People want attention. That may mean trying to change their genders or species, cutting things off, sewing things on, or whatever. The message is, “Pay attention to ME. Glorify ME. Accommodate ME.” But people have other things going on. Life, as it turns out, happens. And squealing on the internet is not the way to attract a serious potential mate. You can have all the space you want, all the followers you could hope for, and all the publicity and affirmation you can dream of. You can do whatever you want to yourself and call yourself whatever you wish. And most people will just shrug. Being trans isn’t that shocking anymore. But in the end, who wants to spend their time with someone whose only interest is himself?

Besides, with all of this narcissism going on, which one of these people are we supposed to pay attention to? It’s kind of like a weird version of the movie Highlander: there can be only one.