Well AOC, There’s Always OnlyFans

Greg Nash/Pool via AP

If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s congressional career ever fizzles out, she still has Instagram. Or maybe OnlyFans. If the current trend continues, she may want to start thinking up some makeup and fashion tutorials or fun recipes or brace herself for whatever they are doing on OnlyFans these days. And that, dear reader, is an eventuality best left unexplored.


AOC’s stock is dropping faster than interest at a timeshare presentation or MLM recruitment meeting. She has already been heckled by constituents for refusing to come out against the war in Ukraine and for not being a true socialist. And she was reminded that she is no Tulsi Gabbard. At one of her more recent appearances, she refused to take protesters seriously and danced while they chanted and beat a drum.

Of course, looking at her career thus far, it doesn’t look like AOC has taken her role very seriously, and more than disgruntled hippies and white people are taking notice. Even though she has accused conservatives of promoting fascism and apartheid, she has also railed against Joe Biden for not pardoning illegal immigrants in trouble for possessing weed. She recently barked at the Democrats for losing Hispanic voters. Apparently, she hasn’t talked to too many Hispanic voters.

Technically, once a left-wing politician loses the hippies and socialists, they are done. It’s time for them to write a book, look for a seat on a board someplace, and hope some third-rate college gives them an honorary Ph.D. However, that requires a command of the English language and the ability to form coherent thoughts. So that’s out.

But let’s talk about Hispanic voters. We aren’t calling them “Latinx” anymore, right? Good, because I never started.

To be honest, AOC was recruited to run because she was young, cool, and ostensibly nice-looking. The Democrats wanted young voters and AOC presumably delivered them. Much to the surprise of AOC and by extension, Kathy Hochul, it turns out that Hispanics are much more than a demographic or stereotype. They want to prosper and be safe. And prosperity and in particular safety, are in short supply in Gotham these days. Who would have thought that Hispanics are normal people? Apparently, not the Democrats.


Fox News notes that a prominent, longtime Hispanic Democrat has come out in favor of Lee Zeldin and Ocasio-Cortez’s challenger, Tina Forte. Reverend Ruben Diaz, Sr. said that he began to sour on Ocasio-Cortez when she went to war against Amazon and the 25,000 jobs it planned to bring to her district. Granted, Amazon’s track record as an employer has more than a few blemishes, but I can’t be the only one in history to have taken a job he hated to make ends meet until something better came along, which is what Amazon could have been for her constituents.

Also, much to the chagrin of donkeys everywhere, Diaz said he also opposed Ocasio-Cortez’s anti-police views and support of an open border. He told Fox and Friends “[Progressives] were releasing criminals into the street, favoring the open borders, allowing all kinds of people to come through the borders without checking. She opposes the police officers in the subways…” Diaz, who is the president of New York’s Hispanic Clergy Organization, is asking all Hispanics, including clergy, to support Forte and Zeldin, and said that Hispanics are “turning.”

There is a story that is attributed to people who escaped from behind the Iron Curtain. They said that they were repeatedly told by the Communist Party that the hardships they were enduring were not examples of real Communism but part of the process of getting to real Communism. Once they were free of the Party, they realized that what they were undergoing was real Communism. Faithful blue voters everywhere are realizing that what they have been experiencing is in fact, real progressivism. And they are seeing it unfold in real time.


I have a sinking feeling that AOC will at the very least squeak through the coming vote. But if not, she should be able to get fall back on her career as an influencer. Or something. Or she could always open up her own bar. Maybe AOC’s House of Wings-n-Rants. Or she could make a music video with R.E.M.: “That’s me in the corner/That’s me in the spotlight, losing Latinx voters.”

Or, God help lonely subscribers everywhere, she can always fall back on OnlyFans.


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