It’s officially February, which means that it’s (un)officially the worst month of the year. In addition to the fact that we’re coming down from the high of three straight months of holidays and celebrations, there are so many things wrong with February that we would just like to crawl into a ball until the ground begins to thaw. Bears, skunks, groundhogs, and insects have this thing figured out with their cold-weather hibernation schedule. It might be worth looking into, considering how many things truly stink about this month:
13. Cold
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It’s cold, and it’s nowhere near done being cold. When the cool weather starts to hit at the end of the fall, everyone sort of gets excited for a few minutes: it’s no longer humid or hot, and it’s time to break out the adorable cold weather clothes! But by February, we’ve already worn everything several times over, and there’s nothing cute about the eight layers that we need to stay warm, especially during any polar vortexes that might emerge.
12. Shortened month
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You might think that February being a short month is a good thing, but it’s not. That’s two to three fewer days to gather the money for that March 1 rent or mortgage payment. For some people, that’s no issue, but for those who live paycheck to paycheck, it can be a little stressful.
11. Our poor leap-year baby friends
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We all know at least one person who misses their birthday entirely for three years in a row. And then when it finally is a leap year, they announce to the world that this year they’re turning 9! Or 12! Or whatever number multiplied by 4 that they might be that year. Yes, leap years make sense to keep the calendar correct, but they’re annoying.
10. Flu Season
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Right about now is when everyone you know (and all the kids in your children’s classes) are being diagnosed with the flu. Speaking of hibernation, it might not be such a bad idea as a way to stay healthy and free from deadly flu germs that are flying around and lurking on every door handle and keyboard. Blech.
9. All that comfort food eating is catching up
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We ate our way through the holidays, and now that we have nothing to do but sit home and keep warm, we’re eating our way through the rest of the winter. Best not to catch a glimpse of yourself in that mirror as you walk by it. It’s only going to depress you.
8. Gray and dreary skies
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How is it possible that the sun won’t shine through for more than 10 minutes this month? The cold might not be so bad if it weren’t so grey and gloomy out all the time.
7. Hoping that a rodent will predict better weather
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We’re so desperate for good news and better weather that we collectively turn to a RODENT on February 2 in the hopes that he will predict warmer weather. And what does his shadow have to do with spring?
6. Your dog protests his walks
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Fido is DONE. By now he’s wishing you had taught him to pee in the toilet. He looks longingly at the cat who gets to use a box. He hates the snow, cold, and that stupid coat you put on him more than you can even imagine.
5. You have to start thinking about taxes
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Sure, Tax Day isn’t for another two months, but by now you’ve received all your W2s and 1099s and it’s time to either hire an accountant, or set aside several hours to go through the task of filing yourself. It’s not only annoying, but is particularly painful if you learn that you will owe money this year.
4. Chapped skin
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By February, we’re far past the point of chapped lips. The freezing cold has turned our hands into sensitive, red mitts and our cheeks are rough and raw. There isn’t enough coconut oil in the world to undo this mess.
3. No 3-day weekend in sight
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If you’re even lucky enough to get President’s Day off, you’re looking at 5-day weeks from now until May. The END of May. There’s no respite in sight, unless you decide to cash in a few vacation days and get the hell out of dodge.
2. Valentine’s Day
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It’s probably unnecessary to go into detail here, since this Hallmark holiday is a downer for many people. You don’t need to be single to feel the negative effects of this day of love. Even couples feel immense pressure to be particularly romantic and usually miss the mark somehow. Do we really need a day designated for hearts, candy, and roses? We should rebrand it “Netflix and Chill Day” and far more people would be on board.
1. Sick of piling on the outerwear
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You can’t so much as walk down your driveway to check your mail without piling on a sweater, huge coat, hat, boots, and gloves. February is when we begin longing for spring, not just because the weather will be nicer, but also so that we can lose several pounds of clothes.
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