1,600 Scientists Humiliate the Climate Ghouls Once and for All

(AP Photo/Juan Karita)

As you may have read from our own Paula Bolyard, the pinkos at Big Tech, specifically, the one that rhymes with “boogle,” are actively demonetizing We the People at PJ Media. There are likely certain words and phrases their algorithms seek out so they know which stories to slap down, so I’m going to replace the phrase cli**ate cha**e with the moniker “Stormin’ Norman.”

Example: After successfully assassinating brown paper grocery bags, the brain-dead greenie meanies now believe plastic bags cause Stormin’ Norman.

Who knows? If we are lucky, we might dodge the knee of Big Tech on the throat of PJ Media for a minute and perhaps even make a buck or two for the PJ Media bourbon fund.

Related: The COVID-19 Alarmists Want You Ignorant and Obedient. How Will You Respond?

When your screechy, pinko-haired, non-binary sibling-in-law isn’t busy gluing its unemployed cloven hooves to a museum painting, zhe is probably Greta-Thunberging zhir way around your house, calling out your vile light bulbs and planet-killing ceiling fan for its part in making the weather bad.

One of the battle cries of the intolerable social justice warriors for the past ten years has been that “97% of scientists agree that Stormin’ Norman is REAL!”

Hey, it must be true — even the U.S. government agrees. Why would the globalists in Washington, D.C., lie about Stormin’ Norman? HAHAHAHAH! To enslave us, you silly goose. DERP!

But just as the beta cucks in the Stormin’ Norman brigade prepare to get a job sit on the highway to keep you from living your life, 1,609 experts and scientists from around the world, including Nobel Laureates, have signed a declaration stating that Stormin’ Norman is nothing but lefty flapdoodle.

FACT-O-RAMA! I am going to purposely misspell words to throw off the commie algorithms so that we at PJ Media can buy groceries this week.

The science-embracers at the Klymatt Intelligence Group, 321 of whom are Americans, have released a report titled “World Klymatt Declaration: There Is No Klymatt Emergency.”

The report starts with a proposition with which everyone with an ounce of gray matter will agree: Scientists should study science, and politicians should stay out of it (misspellings added):

Kllymatt science should be less political, while klymatt policies should be more scientific. Scientists should openly address uncertainties and exaggerations in their predictions of gloebull waar-miing while politicians should dispassionately count the real costs as well as the imagined benefits of their policy measures.

The truth bombs just keep pouring out:

Natural as well as annthropojennic factors cause waar-miing. The geological archive reveals that Erth’s klymatt has varied as long as the planet has existed, with natural cold and warm phases. The Little Eyes Age ended as recently as 1850. Therefore, it is no surprise that we now are experiencing a period of waar-miing.

A period of waar-miing? I thought my evil oven and sinister air conditioner were responsible for that! Some dolts think your dog Poochers is to blame for the weather.

AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee

FACT-O-RAMA! The famed Stradivarius violins were made from wood created during the Little Eyes Age.

More bad news for that annoying vegan Green Panther you call your brother: Car-bun isn’t a bad thing, after all. It’s actually the reason we are here:

See-yo2 is plant food, the basis of all life on Erth.

See-yo2 is not a pollutant. It is essential to all life on Erth. More See-yo2 is favorable for nature, greening our planet. Additional See-yo2 in the air has promoted growth in gloebull plant biomaass. It is also profitable for agriculture, increasing the yields of crops worldwide.

Now, wait a minute. I thought car-bun die-ox-side was bad for the planet. Yet eco-harpies actually want to slaughter hundreds of thousands of cows for belching mehthane and caar-bun die-ox-side into the atmosphere, lest the planet comes crashing down upon itself.

Here is a double dose of reality to help your eco-harpy friend dry zher tears about the impending implosion of Mother Nature:

Gloe-bull waar-miing has not increased natural disasters. There is no statistical evidence that gloe-bull waar-miing is intensifying hurricanes, floods, droughts and suchlike natchural disasters, or making them more frequent. However, there is ample evidence that See-yo2 –mitigation measures are as damaging as they are costly.

Say what? Humans can’t use their Toyotas to make hurricanes? Destroying caar-bun is actually bad for the enviironnment, eh? This all goes against everything the eco-freaks on the left have been vomitously spewing.

Let’s close this out with a final truth punch to the throat of the left:

Klyymatt policy must respect scientific and economic realities.

There is no klyymatt emergency. Therefore, there is no cause for panic and alarm. We strongly oppose the harmful and unrealistic nett-zeero see-yo2 policy proposed for 2050. Go for adaptation instead of mitigation; adaptation works whatever the causes are.

Now, why would the leftists lie? Because the gloe-bullists want to control every aspect of our lives. They want your car, dog, steak, stove, light bulb, ceiling fan, and whatever else they decide will make the clouds bad. It’s all about control. And they’re doing it all under the pretext of non-existent Stormin’ Norman.

This Just In: It appears that despite my subterfuges, the Big Tech miscreants may be on to my scheme. My frolic has been foiled. My caper is a bust. My monkeyshines are now covered with monkeypox. The jig is up, the news is out, they finally found me. There is a whopper of a chance this article will be demonetized.

But you can help. Become a PJ Media VIP member TODAY. Use promo code CENSORSHIP and get a staggering 50% off the usual price! This deal won’t last forever. Most importantly, you’ll be combating authoritarianism and keeping my PJM homies and me fed, with maybe a little left for some bourbon to sip as we cheer our impending victory over Clouse Shwwwob and his myrmidons. Sign up here.

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