The Year of Our Lord 2022 started with the “winter of severe illness and death” that never panned out and ended in a “bomb cyclone” that killed dozens. Biden was only off by 11 months. He wasn’t the only one whose psychic powers fizzled. Some columnists predicted a “red wave” in November and failed to foresee the tide tragically crashing at the Georgia border.
A lot was going on in between. Careers were made and lost. New heroes rose as others tumbled from grace. Throughout it all, your intrepid columnists at PJ Media did what we do better than any other news site; we guzzled cocktails and brought you the stories and opinions you need to help you shut down your liberal sister-in-law and her blue-haired, hydra-gendered, demisexual lady-boyfriend.
FACT-O-RAMA! If you are debating politics with someone whose hair color came from a box of Crayolas, you’re wasting your time.
ANOTHER FACT-O-RAMA! I was rummaging around a thrift barn in Marrietta, Ohio, and I found a 1941 yearbook from Nitro, W.Va., High School. The “most likely to” section included categories such as “most likely to be a soda jerk.” Today’s high school yearbook “most likely to” sections read more like the Adult Video Awards categories. I’ll try to keep this article clean.
Below is a list of “most likely to” categories found in actual high school yearbooks. These have changed drastically over the years.
I asked some of my fellow writers at PJ Media to chime in. Here are their answers to some of the most burning questions of the day.
Have at it, PJ Media!
1. Who is most likely to get an STD?
WINNER: A three-way tie between Pete Davidson, Hunter Biden, and Megan Fox (not our Megan Fox, the other one)
2. Who is most likely to become a drug dealer?
WINNER: Dr. Anthony Fauci — with years of experience, Fauci is a shoo-in.
3. Who is most likely to get away with murder?
WINNER: Fauci, for the same reason as #2.
Runner-up: Andrew Cuomo, for slaughtering 15,000 elderly people while New York authorities did nothing.
4. Who is most likely to date two guys at a time?
WINNER: Paul Pelosi. Disclaimer: We aren’t suggesting Mr. Pelosi enjoys the “company” of men. It’s completely normal for two dudes to hang out in their underwear at 2 a.m.
5. Who is most likely to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital?
WINNER: Kanye West. For full comedic effect, we hope the doctors are Jewish.
6. Who is most likely to be a sadist?
WINNER: Ilhan Omar, provided the masochist is her husbro.
7. Who is most likely to go to a Justin Bieber concert?
WINNER: A tie between AOC, who would actually go for the music, and Joe Biden, who would be there for the underage sniff-fest.
8. Who is most likely to do weird things in public?
WINNER: Joe Biden. Whether he is shaking hands with his invisible friend Cornpop or calling for a dead Representative, Biden dominates this category.
Related: West Coast, Messed Coast™ – The Worst (and Best) of 2022
9. Who is most likely to die of something stupid?
WINNER: Anyone still wearing a mask. They don’t work. Please tell all the libs in your local Trader Joe’s that masks are as effective as mesh condoms.
10. Who is most likely to talk to animals?
WINNER: Greta Thunberg. She is probably planning a When Animals Attack to Save the Planet intervention as you read this.
11. Who is most likely to get recognized by the Guinness World Record, and for what?
WINNER: A tie between Stacey Abrams and Beto O’Rourke for losing the most elections. Do these two human backfires have real jobs?
12. Who is most likely to fail a lie detector test?
WINNER: Adam “Pinnochio” Schiff has this locked up. He should probably have been mentioned in the Guinness category for most lies told.
13. Who is most likely to get caught naked on a trail cam?
WINNER: Hunter Biden has been caught naked on every camera but a trail cam. It must be coming.
14. Who is most likely to be the closeted gay person no one knows about?
WINNER: Adam Kinzinger. Straight men don’t cry as easily as this dude does.
15. Who is most likely to end up working in a circus?
WINNER: Sam Brinton as the bearded lady.
Sam Brinton, Biden’s non-binary nuclear waste guru, has been fired after stealing luggage from 2 airports. If only there had been some warning signs… pic.twitter.com/kFB4YbZ6a9
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) December 13, 2022
16. Who is most likely not to take a shower for a week?
WINNER: A tie between John Fetterman and Rachel Levine, both of whom are from Pennsylvania and, coincidentally, have never been seen together in the same room.
17. Who is most likely to work as a clown?
WINNER: Jill Biden, because she already has the outfits.
There you have it: the “Most likely to” list for 2022! Thanks to Stacey, Megan, and Matt for the laughs.
Happy New Year to YOU!
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