Ed Driscoll

The Secret Masonic Policeman's Ball

Note to California Democrats, the Big Bang Theory was not intended to be a how-to guide. Honest.


Uniformed Pasadena Policeman: Your friend here called 911 to report a robbery.

Leonard: Oh, my God, what did they get?

Sheldon: What didn’t they get? They got my enchanted weapons, my vicious gladiator armor, my wand of untainted power, and all my gold.

Leonard: You called the police because someone hacked your World of Warcraft account?

Sheldon: What choice did I have? The mighty Sheldor, level 85 blood elf, hero of the Eastern kingdoms, has been picked clean, like a carcass in the desert sun. Plus, the FBI hung up on me. [Sheldon begins to hyperventilate.]

Policeman: [Breathe] into the bag.

Sheldon: They took my battle ostrich.

Leonard: Oh, no, not Glenn?

Sheldon: Yes, Glenn! The only bird I ever loved.

Policeman: Good luck, fellas.

Leonard: Thank you, officer.

Sheldon: Wait a minute! You’re not going to do anything?

Policeman: Mr. Cooper, there’s nothing…

Sheldon: Doctor Cooper.

Policeman: Seriously?

Leonard: Not the kind with access to drugs.

Policeman: Fine. Dr. Cooper. I’m sorry for your loss, but the Pasadena Police Department doesn’t have jurisdiction in Pandora.

Sheldon: That’s from Avatar; World of Warcraft takes place in Azeroth! Goodness gracious, how are you allowed to carry a gun? Can you at least refer me to a rogue ex-cop?

Policeman: What?

Sheldon: You know, one who was drummed off the force because he refused to play by the rules, and now he hires himself out to impose his own brand of rough justice?

Policeman: No.

The Big Theory, Season 4, Episode 19 – “The Zarnecki Incursion,” March 31st, 2011.


masonic_police_department_badge_5-6-15-1This week, the three people were charged with impersonating police officers. They are David Henry, who told Johnson he was the police chief, Tonette Hayes and Brandon Kiel, an aide to state Atty. Gen. Kamala Harris.

It turns out Henry, Hayes and Kiel had allegedly introduced themselves to police agencies across the state, though it is unclear why. A website claiming to represent their force cites connections to the Knights Templars that they say go back 3,000 years. The site also said that the department had jurisdiction in 33 states and Mexico.

“When asked what is the difference between the Masonic Fraternal Police Department and other police departments, the answer is simple for us. We were here first!” the website said.

* * * * * * * *

Employees at the Backwoods Inn restaurant in Santa Clarita remember a day about a month ago when Henry — a regular customer — walked in with a swagger.

He wore a dark blue police uniform with badges and insignia on both arms. He told the staff at the country western-themed eatery off the Sierra Highway he was a police chief and handed out his business card with pride.

It read MASONIC FRATERNAL POLICE DEPARTMENT in capital letters and identified Henry as Chief Henry 33.

“He was very big on saying ‘I’m the chief, I’m the chief,’” said one server who talked to him when he stopped by two or three times a week. She spoke on the condition that her name not be used.

* * * * * * *

The exact structure of the purported police department was unclear. But on the website, Henry is referred to as “Absolute Supreme Sovereign Grandmaster.”

“Bizarre fake police force included Kamala Harris aide, prosecutors say,” the L.A. Times reports. Naturally, the party that Harris, the state’s attorney general belongs to isn’t identified. Two guesses as to which party that is, given that it’s the L.A. Times.

Not surprisingly, Ace is having lots of fun with the copy on the homepage of the “Masonic Fraternal Police Department” Website, which sounds even more like a Big Bang parody, except that Sheldon & Co. actually know how how to spell, use apostrophes and quotation marks, and know something about history:

You’re not going to believe this — despite not being real, and also being crazy, and also being criminals, and also being Democrats, they have a website.

The Masonic Fraternal Organization is the oldest and most respected organization in the “World.”

The “world.” Not the world, but the “world.”

We’re off to a roaring start here, folks. Either they are illiterate, or they are paranoids who aren’t sure the “world” is the world.

Grand Masters around the various states are facing serious safety concerns for their Jurisdictions and their family members. The first Police Department was created by the “Knights Templar’s” back in 1100 B.C.

The “Knights Templar’s.” What is that apostrophe doing in there? It’s Knights Templar.

And the Knights Templar were created around 1100 A.D., but that’s Democrat education for ya.

The Masonic Fraternal Police Department, (M.F.P.D.) is the Knights Templar’s!

Here’s a screen cap of the above portion of their homepage in case, like the original “Knights Templar’s” themselves, it disappears into the mists of history:


Click to enlarge. But only if you can tell me first, what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

So what does it all mean? Hey, as Moe Lane writes, plunging the sword of Excalibur into the carcass of  this one great state, “What’s that? Oh, the fact that California AG Kamala Harris has somebody trying to establish a Masonic foothold in American law enforcement? …Dude, it’s California. They do weird stuff out there even when they’re not in a drought. Imagine how the state will get when everybody is thirsty all the time…”

Related: And speaking of “weird stuff,” “Lawsuit spells out ‘nightmare’ for California man accused without evidence,” Ashe Schow writes at the Washington Examiner, on a horrific Kafka-esque story out of the formerly Golden State.

Update: “An Emmy-winning producer and a top government aide who wanted to be a US Senator — but are any more of the LA elite are in the ‘Masonic Police’?”, asks the London Daily Mail, which also plays the “Name that Party” game for Harris.