Columbo Visits the White House

Doug Ross has the transcript:

Hey, this White House sure is a nice place! The wife sees pictures of this place on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a museum once!

Oh, sorry sir. I didn’t mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island? No, I didn’t think so…

Well, listen, anyways, I can’t seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be ‘locked’ or ‘not available’. I’m sure it’s just some oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are… … …have them written down here somewhere… oh wait. Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I’ll just read it to you.

Could you help me please find these things, sir?

1. Occidental College records and transcripts — Not released
2. Columbia University records and transcripts — Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper — ‘not available’
4. Harvard University records and transcripts — Not released
5. Selective Service Registration — Not released
6. Medical records — Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule — ‘not available’
8. Law practice client list — Not released
9. Written correspondence with B. Ayers, R. Khalidi, E. Said, J. Wright, etc. — Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Birth Certificate — Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published — None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles — None
13. Record of Baptism — Not released or ‘not available’
14. Illinois State Senate records — ‘not available’

Oh hey… listen! I know you are busy! Is this too much for you now? I mean tell you what. I will come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you are busy, so I will just let myself out. I will be back tomorrow. And the day after…

‘Who wants to know these things?’ asks President Obama.

The American People, answers Columbo.

Meanwhile, Jim Geraghty and the distaff half the Pundit & Pundette blog try to crack a mystery of their own: what caused Country Club Republicans to go full T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII in 2008:

Several of them said: I’m Republican but I voted for President Obama, because I couldn’t live with Sarah Palin. Many said they were severely disappointed in the president. The biggest complaint was what several called “class warfare.” They said they didn’t understand what they had done to deserve that: If you want to have a conversation about taxation, have a conversation. But a president shouldn’t attack his constituents – he’s not the president of some people, he’s president of all the people. Someone mentioned Huey Long populism.

Cry me a river. They looked at Obama’s Harvard law degree and that sharp pant crease and thought he was one of them, or at least more so than that uncredentialed piece of Wasilla trash, with all her vulgar “you betchas” and excessive children, including that embarrassing baby she doted on. And these snobs, instead of apologizing for contributing to the downfall of America, have the nerve to complain about “class warfare.”

Jim Geraghty goes easier on them but still holds them accountable for their very grievous misjudgment:

Dear wealthy moderate Republicans: I mean no disrespect, as you’ve made more money than I’ll probably ever earn and you’re quite accomplished in your fields. And like you, I find Chris Christie to be a bold and inspiring leader, who makes a very intriguing option at the national level someday.

But not all of us are shocked and stunned about Obama’s class warfare and his demonization of you and the sense that he doesn’t think of himself as your president too. Some of us spent two years telling anyone who would listen that he was a lot more liberal than his bland, blank-slate rhetoric suggested. And was all of this worth it because you “couldn’t live” with Sarah Palin? Really? The prospect of having her living at the Naval Observatory was so epically offensive to your sensibilities that you really thought this, and all of the economic joy we’ve endured for the past thirty months, was the better option?

By any chance, have you done any reexamination of all of that thinking in the past two and a half years?

It doesn’t take Columbo to know the answer to that.