There Goes the Neighborhood

There you are, a brilliantly elitist, law-abiding, latte-sipping liberal, when all of a sudden a moving van arrives next door. Slowly, as you observe your new neighbors with a Dian Fossey level of anthropological curiosity, you begin to think that maybe…Gaia forbid…they belong to — CUE HUGE STINGING MONTY PYTHON NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION MUSICAL RIFF — the Tea Party!

First of all, don’t panic. Make no sudden movements. These people are likely strong proponents of their Second Amendment Rights, and if they have a satellite dish, it could be tuned to NASCAR or even Sarah Palin’s Alaska. Second, take time to read this advice proffered by the Coffee Party, and found by the Right Scoop blog:

You are probably worried about property values, neighborhood safety, and a general deterioration of area living conditions. While adjustments to your daily life are certainly important for your general state of quiet and peace, there are things that you can do to lessen the impact.

Step one is to begin keeping a detailed journal. I prefer to write in the morning while my mind is fresh and having had time to quietly mull over the previous day. Writing in the evening will most always lead to a level of frustration and anger from what you have recently seen that will cloud your reflections.

In addition to relating your personal feelings, use the journal to take note of more mundane happenings. Times of vehicle coming and goings, license plate numbers, descriptions of visitors.

Frequency of deliveries such as UPS are also collectable information as most deliveries to such homes will be weapon related. Ammunition, guns, militia equipment…etc. This information will be invaluable to local law enforcement agencies when something happens in your general community. It is only a matter of time.

In less enlightened times, Sammy Davis Jr. once cautioned his potential neighbors, “I’m colored, Jewish and Puerto Rican. When I move into a neighborhood, I wipe it out!” And far more controversially — for a time, he was even a Republican.

But even Sammy had no idea how bad the risks could be when the most dangerous and patriotic elements of society arrive next door.

Update (11/28/10): Welcome readers of the Jim Geraghty Daily.

Question: Is the item that Right Scoop links to an actual parody or merely an unintentional one? You make the call!