Dr. Helen

Is a Non-Feminist Woman Safe to Marry?

Suzanne Venker has a post here at PJM entitled “Son, Don’t Marry a Feminist” that gives good advice about what to tell sons about the pitfalls of marrying a feminist:

Because of your stories that now crowd my computer, I feel I have great insight as to what’s going on inside the mind of the modern man. I also have a 14-year-old son who I worry will face the same struggles you have. Out of deference to you and the stories you’ve shared, and because I too have been on the receiving end of feminist vitriol, I wanted you to know what I plan to tell my son.

I’m going to say: Don’t marry a feminist.

Don’t marry a feminist, son, because she has an ax to grind, and someday you’ll become her target.

Don’t marry a feminist because she’s unable to give for the sake of giving. Feminists always tally up a score.

Don’t marry a feminist because family will not come first. Her career will.

Don’t marry a feminist because equality, not marriage, is her ultimate goal. And for marriage to work, the focus and commitment has to be marriage.

Don’t marry a feminist because if you get divorced, which you likely will since competitive relationships don’t last, she’ll blame you — and then use your kids as a weapon.

Don’t marry a feminist because you’ll never be happy. Feminists are perpetually angry and dissatisfied and have no sense of humor. Here’s a great 30-second video to explain what I mean.

The bottom line, son, is that a feminist will not love you the way a real woman will. What’s a real woman?

I agree in part with Suzanne, a rampant feminist might make a man’s life difficult but being a feminist in and of itself is not the only trait to watch out for if you want a happy marriage or at least an amiable divorce. It’s not like plenty of men’s lives can’t be made miserable by a conservative, libertarian or atheist. Conservative women might expect the man to earn the money and if there is a divorce, she might be more in a position to collect alimony than a feminist who is working. She might have other psychological traits that don’t make for a great partner.

My advice to those with sons is to let them know about the traits to watch out for, rather than just staying away from feminists. Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, co-author of Say Goodbye to Crazy: How to Get Rid of His Crazy Ex and Restore Sanity to Your Life, says to watch out for these negative traits in women:

Bullying
Unreasonable expectations
Verbal attacks
Gaslighting (lying and then claiming he is crazy)
Unpredictable responses
Constant chaos
Emotional blackmail
Rejection
Withholding affection and sex
Isolating

Good advice for sons or for anyone wanting to avoid abusive people.