Culture

This Ad for the Bell & Howell Tac Light Flashlight Makes Some Mighty Bold Claims

Things sold on television for something-nine-ninety-nine tend to promise life-changing utility. Whether it’s an easier way to flip pancakes or a cordless power scrubber, you will wonder how you ever got by without it. Among the many claims offered to peddle such wares, none strain credibility more than those made to sell tactical flashlights.

A certain kind of guy will buy anything if you throw the word “tactical” in front of it. Hell, if so inclined, you can even buy tactical socks. It may be worth first pausing to consider what sort of victory is decided by stockings.

Watching the above ad for the Bell & Howell Tac Light tactical flashlight, we’re presented with a number of fascinating claims. Apparently, flashing a strobe light at a prowler will incapacitate him like a phaser. This is especially true if, once the perpetrator has been caught in your beam, you tighten or “zoom” the light.

Did you know that the Tac Light is similar to lights used by “elite military units”? Sure, those guys also have fully automatic rifles. But the flashlights!

The Tac Light will continue to function in extreme environments. Have you ever needed to see while trapped inside a block of ice? How about while submerged in 212-degree water? If so, the Tac Light is for you.

Spokesman Nick Bolton tells us that the Tac Light is “tough enough to get run over by a Humvee.” He adds, “Try that with a regular flashlight.” Okay, but why? When is that ever going to happen?!

I’m not saying a bright strobe light couldn’t make a difference in a fight. But if that’s the edge you’re counting on, your tactics may need review.