Culture

Ranking These 9 Super Bowl Movie Trailers

#9. SpongeBob Square Pants: Sponge Out of Water

It’s SpongeBob. He wears square pants. This time, he’s coming out of the water.

Have fun kids. Daddy will be next door watching Ted 2.

#8. Kingsman: The Secret Service

An impressive cast may not be enough to counter-balance the odd premise. It’s that other secret service you’ve never heard of, because it’s British and such.

#7. Tomorrowland

Another movie based on a ride from Disney, this could be good. Could also be bad. It’s hard to deal from the sparse details and images released so far.

You wanna go?

#6. Pitch Perfect 2

The first entry in this series proved surprisingly entertaining and well-crafted. With much of the same team on board for the second, this may be a safe bet.

#5. Insurgent

The sequel to the poor man’s Hunger Games appears to be the poor man’s Matrix. Having sat through the first entry in The Diverent Series, I still have no idea what’s happening in this trailer or what it has to do with the events that came before.

#4. Furious 7

Who needs a skyway when you can just launch from one skyscraper to another in a high-performance sports car? Nobody. That’s who.

#3. Ted 2

I recall a similar story involving the android Data on a couple different episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I don’t recall any sight gags involving sperm donations. So, Ted 2 has that going for it.

#2. Fifty Shades of Grey

For every shade of grey, the popularity of this sadomasochistic fantasy sets the cause of feminism back a year. By making tens of millions at box office, it will offer some interesting suggestions as to what women really want.

#1. Jurassic World

Chris Pratt as a raptor whisperer? Shut up and take my money. Forget those other two films a few years back. This is the real Jurassic sequel.