Culture

Governor Mask-Between-Bites Should Get Disinvited from Thanksgiving in California

FILE - In this June 26, 2020, file photo, California Gov. Gavin Newsom displays a face mask as he urges people to wear them to fight the spread of the coronavirus during a news conference in Rancho Cordova, Calif. Gov. Newsom has ordered a three-week closure of bars and indoor operations of restaurants certain other businesses in Los Angeles and 18 other counties as the state deals with increasing cases of COVID-19. The governor's order Wednesday, July 1, 2020, also covers indoor operations of movie theaters, wineries, tasting rooms, family entertainment centers, zoos, museums and cardrooms. (AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli, Pool, File)

Back in the old Soviet days the latest governmental edict from the authoritarian Leftist commies would be met with a roll of the eyes and a shrug of the shoulders. The proletariat would then repair to their cement hovels, break the rules, and pray their neighbors wouldn’t inform on them. If a neighbor dropped a dime it could mean a visit from the secret police and fewer bread rations.

Welcome to the gulag that is coronavirus California in 2020!

After canceling Halloween, Governor Gavin Newsom issued his government edicts for the Thanksgiving table and, though this is hard to believe, they’re dumber than demanding people wear masks on the open beach in 80º weather. They’re so ridiculous that even mask-woke Hollywood leftists, who speak fluent dumb, are probably wondering about them.

Vernon Dursley” Newsom is now banishing the proletariat to Thanksgiving solitude, making no noise in our cupboards under the stairs.

OK, that’s not entirely true. The governor is giving you permission to have some guests for Thanksgiving. Outside. Wearing a mask. Without exertion.

Californians may not celebrate Thanksgiving inside. Their dinners must be held outside with at “least three sides of the space (or 75%) … open to the outdoors.” Guests, who are required to wear masks, are also required to be kept six feet apart if they take them off. That’s going to have to be a gigantic table. Guests from more than three families “are prohibited.

Those who pass the test may stay for only two hours. They shall not sing.

They may be able to use the restroom but only if the host cleans it often on Thanksgiving.

Californians may not exert themselves. Such a dictate could only come from a man who’s never actually pulled off a Thanksgiving meal. Toss out the annual turkey trot, too.

Life News reports that governor mask-between-bites issued the Thanksgiving orders for the most questionable of reasons.

The guidelines come as Gov. Newsom reports that COVID cases and hospitalizations in California are trending up “slightly” and the 7-day positivity rate is also experiencing “modest” increases.

The LA Times reports that California has “escaped the COVID surge” but the reporter apparently feels compelled to fearmonger with “dangers lie ahead.”

While the panic media try to cause fear by announcing growing coronavirus “cases,” have you noticed that the hospitalization and death rates have gone down?

Lots of people believe that the California governor has lost his damned mind.

Podcaster and comedian Adam Corolla asked Californians what they planned to do about Newsom’s edicts.

“How many of you sheep are going along with Newsom’s Thanksgiving protocols?”

Republican leader and successful attorney Harmeet Dhillon answered for many people when she said, “Hell, no.”

While the media have gone in lockstep behind the governor’s onerous rules — “explaining” the rules as if that somehow makes them less ridiculous — they’ve blithely skipped over the big Dodgers rally/riot where 75 people were arrested and the fact that Mayor Eric Garcetti is planning a mass celebration.

But you? Get in line.

As for me and mine, I’ll be in California with family for Thanksgiving. We’re doing our annual “Triple-T,” the Taft Turkey Trot, and taking turns in the kitchen making both vegetarian and turkey options with side dishes galore. We’ll be doing our regular kitchen dance party and doing bad renditions of Janet Jackson and Ariana Grande tunes. Maybe I’ll finally learn the lyrics to “Despacito” during Kitchen Karaoke.

One thing’s for sure, Newsom just got disinvited from every Thanksgiving east of the 405.

But don’t worry, governor, I’ll supply my own zip-tie handcuffs if you send the California secret police.

Victoria Taft is the host of “The Adult in the Room Podcast With Victoria Taft.” Find it at your favorite podcast outlets. Follow her on Facebook,  Twitter and Parler @VictoriaTaft

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