Culture

Today's 'Florida Man' Is a Half-Naked Drunk Woman

She seems nice.

Slow sports day = Florida arrest stories! This isn’t just your ordinary Florida Woman story or it wouldn’t get posted on BC. You guys know the rules around here. We want the craziest of the crazy and Jamie Lee Schmude took it to the next level, according to Florida cops.

The Martin County Sheriff office says Schmude was arrested Nov. 24 after crashing her car. “She had no shirt on, and her unbuttoned jeans were lowered to her thighs. The vehicle smelled of booze. Schmude slurred her words, mumbling incoherent sentences,” Will Greenlee of the Treasure Coast Palm reports.

If one really wants to stand out in any Florida story, one needs to apply oneself, which Ms. Schmude seems to have done after she got to the hospital:

She “woke up several times and belched loudly which emitted the very strong odor of alcohol,” the report states.

Schmude asked where she was. The deputy said she was at a hospital because of a car accident, and she said she was always getting into trouble.

She also said something else.

“You are the sexiest thing I’ve seen, I’m going to (engage in a highly sexual act with you),” Schmude, of Stuart, is quoted as telling the deputy.

She started biting her lower lip, moaning and staring at the deputy while thrusting her hand in an area where hands are not typically thrust in public.

“This act took place at least three times,” the affidavit states.

You go, girl!

Just to prove she’s not crazy, once Schmude sobered up she posted a video on Facebook to drop an f-bomb while telling everyone off, all while using this filter:
screenshot-2016-12-08-at-12-25-25-pm

Never, ever change, Florida.