I swear that I didn’t even know that the Oscars were on last night. I knew they were coming up but Turner Classic Movies wasn’t finished showing its spectacular “31 Days of Oscar” so I assumed the most self-aggrandizing, puffed up awards show was going to air next Sunday.
But I eagerly awaited the announcement of the winners of the Golden Rasberry Award.
The “Razzie,” given for the worst that Hollywood had to offer the previous year, is deliciously subversive. Not only does the award reflect an anti-Hollywood mindset, it’s also anti-awards show, anti-celebrity, and sticks a gigantic finger in the eye of big-shot Hollywood moguls.
The opening musical number — aping the Oscars presentation — is an hilarious takeoff on “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow,” from one of the most embarrassing remakes in Hollywood history; the musical Annie, which was awarded a Razzie for “Worst Remake, Sequel, or Rip-off”:
For the awards themselves, Kirk Cameron and Cameron Diaz walked away big winners…er, losers. Cameron won/lost for his performance in one of the dumbest Christian films ever made, Saving Christmas. The concept is cute — Cameron tries to teach us that Christmas is more than presents and parties. But the film is horribly written, cheesy, and Cameron’s performance is rote. Some might point to anti-Christian bias at work, and there was probably a little of that. But trust me when I tell you the film was a real stinker.
Transformers: Age of Extinction was a close second to Christmas for worst film, with director Michael Bay carrying home the hardware for worst director.
The entire list is below. Nominees in each category are below the “winner”:
Worst Picture
“Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” – WINNER
“Left Behind”
“The Legend of Hercules”
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
“Transformers 4: Age of Extinction”Worst Director
Michael Bay, “Transformers 4: Age of Extinction” – WINNER
Darren Doane, “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas”
Renny Harlin, “The Legend of Hercules”
Jonathan Liebesman, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
Seth Macfarlane, “A Million Ways to Die in the West”Worst Actor
Kirk Cameron, “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” – WINNER
Nicolas Cage, “Left Behind”
Kellan Lutz, “The Legend of Hercules”
Seth Macfarlane, “A Million Ways to Die in the West”
Adam Sandler, “Blended”Worst Supporting Actor
Mel Gibson, “Expendables 3”
Kelsey Grammer, “Expendables 3,” “Legends of Oz,” “Think Like a Man Too,” “Transformers 4: Age of Extinction” – WINNER
Shaquille O’Neal, “Blended”
Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Expendables 3”
Kiefer Sutherland, “Pompeii”Worst Actress
Drew Barrymore, “Blended”
Cameron Diaz, “The Other Woman” and “Sex Tape” – WINNER
Melissa McCarthy, “Tammy”
Charlize Theron, “A Million Ways to Die in the West”
Gaia Weiss, “The Legend of Hercules”Worst Supporting Actress
Cameron Diaz, “Annie”
Megan Fox, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” – WINNER
Nicola Peltz, “Transformers 4: Age of Extinction”
Susan Sarandon, “Tammy”
Brigitte Ridenour (nee Cameron), “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas”Worst Screenplay
“Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas,” written by Darren Doane and Cheston Hervey – WINNER
“Left Behind,” screenplay by Paul LaLonde and John Patus, based on the novel by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
“Sex Tape,” screenplay by Kate Angelo and Jason Segel & Nicholas Stoller
“Transformers 4: Age of Extinction,” written by Ehren Kruger, based on Hasbro’s Transformers action figures
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” written by Evan Daugherty and Andre Nemec & Josh Applebaum, based on characters created by Peter Laird and Kevin EastmanWorst Remake, Sequel, or Rip-off
“Annie” – WINNER
“Atlas Shrugged #3: Who Is John Galt?”
“The Legend of Hercules”
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
“Transformers 4: Age of Extinction”Worst Screen Combo
Any two robots, actors, or robotic actors, “Transformers 4: Age of Extinction”
Kirk Cameron and his ego, “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” – WINNER
Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel, “Sex Tape”
Kellen Lutz and either his abs, his pecs, or his glutes, “The Legend of Hercules”
Seth Macfarlane and Charlize Theron, “A Million Ways to Die in the West”
There is life after winning a Razzie for the performers. Ben Affleck, who won a Razzie for the execrable Gigli back in 2003, won this year’s “Redeemer Award” for his work in Argo and Gone Girl. Other Redeemer award nominees:
Jennifer Aniston: From four-time Razzie nominee to SAG award nominee for “Cake”
Mike Myers: From Razzie “Winner” for “Love Guru” to Docu Director of “Supermensch”
Keanu Reeves: From six-time Razzie nominee to the critically acclaimed “John Wick”
Kristen Stewart: From six-time Razzie “Winner” for “Twilight” to the art house hit “Camp X-Ray”
What’s the difference between an Oscar and a Razzie? Razzie award winners deserve it.
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