Apple proudly announced this week that the iPhone 7 does not have a headphone jack. Instead, iPhone customers will have to get used to a wireless headset.
There are certainly benefits to wireless headsets. The most important one being: they will break down less often. I’m an avid Apple fanboi myself, but the Apple earplugs have been frustrating me for years. You accidentally pull them out and wooza: back to the store to buy new ones.
Then again, I can’t say I’m thrilled with Apple’s “solution” to this problem: the AirPods. Luckily, I’m not alone:
Deep breaths, everyone, deep breaths.
Apple’s dismissal of the headphone jack today was arrogant, but expected. Phil Schiller smugly waved away decades of headphone development as just some analog artifact, denigrating the universality of the 3.5mm connector as some “ancient” concept. But hey, I was ready for that. I’ve spent this entire year preparing myself for Apple slicing off the classic port and replacing it with something else. Something hopefully better.
I was not ready for the revenge of the f*ck*ng Bluetooth headset.
The concept is bad enough, but wait, it gets even worse. You see, the AirPods look absolutely horrendous:
Think of the most obnoxious business suit you’ve ever met and you’ll inevitably picture some Bluetooth dongle jabbed into his ear, pulsing out blue light at you and soaking up grease from his slicked-back hair. Well, Apple’s now got two of them, calling them AirPods, and it’s asking a lofty $159 for the privilege of taking your EarPods wireless.
— Cameron Fontana (@CameronFontana) September 7, 2016
That’s freaking horrible, but there’s good news too: Twitter users are having a field day with this one. And their commentary (and memes) absolutely rock.
— Bill Petro (@billpetro) September 9, 2016
— ROCCAT (@ROCCAT) September 8, 2016
— Akanksha Dutt (@dutt_akanksha) September 8, 2016
— Dr8kHunt6r (@Dr8kHunt6r) September 8, 2016
— Damien Walter (@damiengwalter) September 8, 2016
— Alexa Weber Morales (@AlexaMorales) September 8, 2016
Hey, has anybody seen my right #Airpod? – Me, every day, forever
— josh fell (@joshfell) September 7, 2016
That’s a good point by the last Twitter user: not only are the AirPods incredibly ugly (they’re just the normal headset without the wire, making the design look rather… weird), but it’ll also be incredibly easy to lose them. Time. And. Again.
I’m as big an Apple fanboi as anyone, but this is intolerable. What madness has overtaken Apple CEO Tim Cook?