Culture

Daily Dose of Downey: Are You a Bigot? Take The Test!

(AP Photo, File)

Equality Supremacist

I get called a racist, a bigot, a white supremacist on a daily basis. Usually for backing up women’s rights and equality for all.

What if the Marxist-Amerikans are right and I AM that horrible person? How would I know?

I decided to look at all of my beliefs that have gotten me branded a bigot and create a test. There is no hope for my hateful heart. I can’t be helped at this point. Perhaps you can take the test and save your yet-to-be-woke soul.

Bigot Test

I’ve amassed all my beliefs that the pinkos use to call me a bigot. Here are the eight questions that will let you know if you too are a close-minded pile of San Francisco sidewalk kebob.

1) Do you believe in equality before the law—the belief that everyone breaking federal windows, looting, burning, rioting, etc., should be treated the same way under the legal system?

If you answered YES, you are a bigot. Antifa and BLM are allowed to burn the country down. Trump supporters who run around the Capitol are white supremacists and deserve solitary confinement.

2) Do you support an American woman’s right to not be sexually assaulted by an illegal immigrant?

If you answered YES, you are a bigot. Those rapists pouring across the border come from poverty and therefore get to enter the country and sexually assault American women and kids.

3) Do you support the right of a man to put on lipstick and take a woman’s place on a sports team?

If you said NO, you are a bigot. It doesn’t matter that your daughter has been practicing tennis since she was a zygote, Bobby Bobbi has decided he is a she and will, with the help of a ton of teenage testosterone, replace your daughter. If she complains then she too is a bigot.

4) Do you believe all violent criminals should be locked up?

If you said YES, you are a racist bigot. Though slavery ended 156 years ago, it still causes descendants to commit violent crimes today, mostly against each other. Even though Martin Luther King, Jr. marched, fought, and died for black people to be treated the same way as white people, you are a bigot if you believe in equality.

5) Do you believe in the Constitution?

If you said YES, you are a white supremacist and therefore a bigot. The Constitution was written by white men, some of whom owned slaves, and thus everything they’ve ever done is null and void, including writing the Constitution, which provides the same freedoms and liberties to every American today, regardless of skin tone.

6) Do you believe a young man in pigtails has the right to enter a girls’ junior high school locker room and shower with female students?

If you said NO, you are a transphobic bigot. Those young girls lose all their rights to privacy when it comes to the tiny portion of the population that suffers from gender dysphoria.

7) Do you openly oppose killing gay people, oppressing women, and the gender mutilation of young girls?

If you said YES, you are an Islamophobic bigot. Islam is the religion of peace. It is a beautiful culture that a redneck like you can’t understand.

8) Did you vote for Trump?

If you said YES, you are a transphobic, homophobic, Islamophobic, racist bigot, the quad-fecta of hate, and should go to a liberal re-education camp.