Editor’s Note: It’s Desert Island Video Game Debates on Fridays at PJ Lifestyle. What are the greatest video games of all time? Which titles defined their genres and dominated their time? The discussion began last week with the “most literal” of lists: 5 of the greatest games of all time that happen to be set on an island.
HOW WOULD YOU POSSIBLY SURVIVE WITHOUT REPTILE’S GREATEST DESERT ISLAND MULTIPLAYER GAMES? WITHOUT THE REPTILE YOU FOOLS WOULD BE STUCK PLAYING GLITCHED OUT MMORPGS AND BORING FIRST-PERSON SHOOTERS. THE KNOWLEDGE THE REPTILE BESTOWS IS CRUCIAL TO YOUR SURVIVAL. THERE IS NO KNOWLEDGE THAT IS NOT POWER.
1. Saturn Bomberman (Sega Saturn)
CAN IT GET ANY MORE HYPE THAN 10-PLAYER BOMBERMAN KOMBAT? NO.
Saturn Bomberman was way ahead of the game when it came to multiplayer. Although past bomberman games would allow over 4 players to blow each other up in a variety of stages, Saturn Bomberman allowed the richest nerd on the block to connect not one but two multi taps to a Sega Saturn and play on an enormous stage with 10 opponents. The Japanese version even included online play over Sega Saturn network. Sega was the way of the future, and Saturn Bomberman could be called a “Future World” of sorts.
The game also boasts a multiplayer co-op mode, allowing two players to blast through the game and enjoy all of the outrageous bosses while rocking to the game’s electronic music soundtrack.
THE REPTILE CAN’T BELIEVE SATURN BOMBERMAN CONTAINS THE GREATEST SOUNDING MUSIC ON THE SEGA SATURN. PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED BY COMPOSER JUN CHIKUMA’S MASTERY OF SYNTHESIZERS AND ELECTRONIC DRUMBEATS.
2. Super Smash Bros. Melee (Gamecube)
THE REPTILE HAS YET TO MAKE A LIST ABOUT THE ODD REALM THAT EXISTS BETWEEN THE SECOND AND THIRD DIMENSIONS. BUT FOR NOW YOU MORTALS CAN HAVE A TASTE OF SOME MELEE.
Presumably you and your nerd friends will be stuck on this island with electricity for some time. It could be at least 14 years, perhaps. That’s how long Super Smash Bros. Melee has been around, and it’s still one of the hottest competitive fighting games in esports. JUST WATCH THE REPTILE’S FAVORITE PLAYER, AMSA, DESTROY NERDS WITH HIS RED YOSHI. HE IS THE TRUE KING OF THE DINOSAURS. Who would have known that an experienced Yoshi player could hold their own against established top tier characters? It’s impossible to predict where Melee will go next.
Choose any one of the many Nintendo characters in the roster, you’ll probably get dropkicked by a random nerd who’s been practicing Captain Falcon combos like it’s their job. Even if you don’t want to play competitively Melee occupies a special middle ground where it’s still an excellent party game.
3. Mario Kart 64 (N64)
MUCH LIKE MANY OTHER GAMES NINTENDO MADE FOR BABIES MARIO KART 64 CAN BE COMPLETED WITH EASE BUT ONLY A TRUE GO-CART WARRIOR CAN TRIUMPH IN 4 PLAYER VS. MODE. EVEN BABY REPTILE WAS ABLE TO HANDLE 150 CC SPECIAL CUP WITH NO PROBLEM.
Mario Kart made a successful transition into the world of dlc and online matchmaking gameplay but everyone knows 4-player Mario Kart 64 is where things get truly salty. Mario Kart players can be effectively divided into two types: Those who use shortcuts, and those who lose. LEARN THE WARIO STADIUM JUMP YOU AMATEURS. EITHER LEARN TO DRIFT OR PREPARE TO EAT THE REPTILE’S CART EXHAUST FUMES.
4. Mortal Kombat Trilogy (N64)
WATCH AND LEARN AT 2:03, YOU WEAK PATHETIC FOOLS. BACK, FORWARD, DOWN, BLOCK AT SWEEP RANGE IS HOW THE REPTILE EATS YOUR HEADS EVERY TIME YOU COMPLAIN IN THE COMMENTS.
This is but one of many ways you can finish off the other nerd after beating them mercilessly with combos and air juggles. WILL YOU TEAR THE SKIN OFF THEIR FACE? OR WILL YOU TRANSFORM INTO A PENGUIN AND DESTROY THEM WITH YOUR EXPLODING PENGUIN BOMB OF DOOM? Mortal Kombat Trilogy was the peak of not just the MK series but of nu-metal fighting games. Throw down to some Korn and Fear Factory and the let the 8-player tournament mode eat your soul.
5. Quake III Arena
THE SECOND MOST VIOLENT GAME ON THIS LIST IS AN EXCEPTION TO REPTILE’S RULE OF NOT TALKING ABOUT FPS (FIRST-PERSON SHOOTERS.) Quake III Arena was the last multiplayer shooter the Reptile felt lived up to the hype. Based on the same approach as Doom and Duke Nukem it was an extremely fast and hard-hitting shooter that anyone can play if they have a computer. It was one of the first huge online FPS games and much like Super Smash Bros. Melee is still played competitively. This game is so simple to play you can open it in a browser but if you have it on Dreamcast it’s like playing the multiplayer game that Perfect Dark could have been if it were ported to a system that could properly contain the hype. WHY FIGHT BOTS WHEN YOU CAN BLOW UP PEOPLE?
THAT’S ALL FOR NOW HUMAN SCUM PERHAPS THE NEXT LIST WILL BE MORE FOCUSED TO A PARTICULAR GENRE, ONE WHICH THE REPTILE KNOWS BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU WEAKLINGS. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF THE GREATEST DESERT ISLAND GAMES OF ALL TIME: PLATFORMING EDITION.