5. Herman Li (Dragonforce)
This joker thinks the monkey grip on his signature guitar looks way original, but if you listen to Steve Vai you know that he’s about 20 years too late on having a single original idea when it comes to anything relating to playing guitar. Herman Li gets the lowest point on this list because although he is in fact very fast, he is still an annoying showboat with totally overblown abilities. There is no way Dragonforce would be a band without pro tools. They are the T-Pain effect of metal.
Also, they’re probably one of the most repetitive power metal bands to ever exist.
4. Synyster Gates (Avenged Sevenfold)
More like “Sphincter Gates,” amirite? The only thing worse than this douchebag’s stupid looking pinstripe guitar and fedoras are his fans, who mostly consist of mall-dwelling teenagers that are mystified by simple sweep-picking patterns and derivative metalcore riffs.
They worship his stupid hair and guitar solos like he’s the second coming of Randy Rhoads. When the Avenged Sevenfold album City of Evil came out in 2005 it was a very rough time to be alive — it sucked like nothing else that came before it. It was even worse than Load by Metallica. Indeed, The Duke Devlin of mallcore is very easy to hate if you aren’t a dumbass.
3. Ralph Macchio
Ralph Macchio sure looks like he’s executing some tasty Paganini-inspired shred licks here, doesn’t he? OH WAIT, what is this? Ralphie ain’t even using a pick. In fact, if you look even closer, he’s not even playing at all.
Ralph Macchio is yet another phony actor stealing the limelight from Master Steve Vai, who, although playing every single note of this shredding guitar exchange, was only reduced to the status of a generic ’80s guitar villain. Luckily for Vai, the extremely intimidating riff at the beginning of the exchange was saved for the monstrous “Bad Horsie” single from his 1996 solo album Alien Love Secrets.
Even though weak-ass, fake guitarists seem to get all the credit all the time, if you play real guitar you obviously know better.
2. Keanu Reeves (Wyld Stallyns)
What if I told you that every note of those badass guitar solos throughout the Bill and Ted films was not actually played by Keanu Reeves or Bill S. Preston, but were played by Steve Vai?
Anyway, Keanu Reeves is extremely overrated as a guitarist and his apparent absence from any recording or writing credits in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure as well as the Wyld Stallyons laughable victory against Primus in the San Dimas Battle of the Bands should be plenty indication that he is a most bogus guitarist.
Keanu may be the one to bring balance to The Matrix, but he is certainly not worthy of recognition as a guitarist outside of this highly professional review.
1. Kirk Hammett (Metallica, former Exodus)
You knew this was coming. Kirk Wahmett, the master of awful crybaby wankery, is the single most overrated and annoying guitarist of all time.
Where Dave Mustaine would probably win the category of most insufferable crybaby on a list that has yet to be made, this Metallica member who does not write any songs is often considered to be one of the greatest guitarists of all time for no discernible reason. Why is it that Joe Satriani the guitar genius does not invite Kirk Hammett out to record with him? It’s because he sucks. Case closed.
Related: See also today at PJ Lifestyle, “For a Song To Be Good, Must It Be True?” By David Solway