Culture

5 Ways the New Wonder Woman Can Please SJWs

Who knew a little armpit hair meant so much to modern feminists?

You’d have to squint to see any major celebrities showcasing their underarm tufts these days. And yet the sight of Gal Gadot, Ms. Wonder Woman herself, flashing her hair-free pits in the newest “Wonder Woman” trailer caused some social-media agita.

It’s the latest sign the upcoming film will be under the full SJW microscope. Think “Ghostbusters,” but much worse.

It may be too late for major tinkering, given the June 2 release date. Still, there’s always time for a last-minute reshoot to ensure feminists and Social Justice Warriors alike won’t stamp their feet over any super-injustices.

On that note, here are five ways to make the upcoming film free of SJW outrage.

1. No Romance, Please

Some superhero films feature the main character flirting with a supporting player. Think Superman and Lois Lane, or for a more recent feature consider the attraction between Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff in “Avengers: Age of Ultron.”

So why wouldn’t Wonder Woman enjoy a similar scenario?

The SJW complaint here is why a female character “needs” a man in order to be complete. She should be able to save the world, smite the villain, and fulfill her destiny without anyone’s support.

That means any possible romance between Gadot’s Wonder Woman and the character played by Chris Pine better be platonic.

 

2. Give Chris Pine Fewer Lines

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Speaking of the “Star Trek” alum, it would cheer SJWs if Pine got a fraction of the lines afforded Gadot or other female characters. Consider it revenge for all those one-dimensional female roles we’ve suffered through over the years.

You know, when a famous actress gets a wee bit older. Suddenly, she’s cast as “the wife” and gets very few dramatic closeups.

It’s here where the SJWs have a point. Hollywood has too often short-changed actresses in this fashion. Yet the past is the past, and robbing a good actor like Pine of solid lines would be a mistake. Here’s betting it would make a select group of audience members giddy all the same.

 

3. Same-Sex Support Squad

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This cannot simply be another superhero movie. It’s the first major film since the Dawn of the Superhero Era to feature a woman as the star.

For that reason, the moment cannot be wasted. The story must feature more than action, adventure, and a touch of humor. There’s a soapbox that must be stood on.

And while the story appears to be set in the early part of the 20th century, that shouldn’t stop the filmmakers from commenting on modern times. Progressive style, naturally.

Why not feature a same-sex couple? What better way to strike a blow against the Age of Trump?

 

4. Down with the Patriarchy

The new film should be empowering for young women simply by existing. Market forces demanded a female-led adventure, and here it is.

That isn’t enough.

The new film will have to go beyond that premise. The first trailer even hints at it. Gadot’s Wonder Woman cracks to Pine’s character, “What I do is not up to you.” Later, our superheroine calls being a secretary a “slave.”

That better be one of many similar lines or the SJWs will flood Twitter with outrage.

 

5. Get Diverse … Fast

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One noticeable “flaw” from the film’s first two trailers? Where are the people of color? The main stars are Gadot, Pine, Danny Huston, Robin Wright, Connie Nielsen, David Thewlis, and Ewan Bremner.

That simply won’t do.

Is it too late to shoot some extra scenes featuring actors of color …. stat?