Uncovered: A SJW's Interview with Lisa De Pasquale, Author of 'The Social Justice Warrior Handbook'

Lisa De Pasquale has been a firebrand in the conservative movement for over a decade. She directed the Conservative Political Action Conference — CPAC — from 2006 to 2011, and you can find her writing at Townhall, Breitbart, and The Federalist, among other outlets. She was a frequent guest on Fox News’ late, lamented Red Eye, and she co-hosts the Political Punks podcast, where she and co-host Brett R. Smith have held conversations with freedom-loving movers and shakers like Thaddeus McCotter, Nick Gillespie, and Chris Barron (but sadly, not me).

In De Pasquale’s first book, 2014’s Finding Mr. Righteous, she related her faith journey through the lens of her relationships with some of the men in her life. Shameless promotion alert: she honored me by writing the intro to my book, Football, Faith, and Flannery O’Connor: A Love Letter to the South.

Now, De Pasquale’s back with her latest book. The Social Justice Warrior Handbook: A Practical Survival Guide for Snowflakes, Millennials, and Generation Z is a spot-on satire of the mindset and lifestyle of today’s SJWs.

In fact, her portrayal of the SJW movement is so well done, that we’ve uncovered an interview with De Pasquale conducted by an unknown SJW. Notice how well De Pasquale plays the SJW game in this interview.

SJW: Why was the time right for a handbook for SJWs?

LDP: Despite having the mainstream media, the entertainment industry and a political party on the side of SJWs, The Social Justice Warrior Handbook is an important tool in helping SJWs discover and profit from their victimhood in new and unique ways. My only hope is that this book doesn’t fall into the hands of the wrong people. That could destroy the SJW movement.

SJW: How has the social justice movement managed to successfully reclaim the word “warrior” from the icky military-industrial complex? And what do we do if they try to take it back?

LDP: For too many years “warrior” has been co-opted by militaristic cultures.  The term “warrior” has been used to describe people – usually cisgender men – who adhered to a severe code of conduct and trained for a period of time to develop weapons and fighting skills. Now one just needs to buy my book and choose their personal pronouns. You are right that the narrow definition of “warrior” no longer fits with modern, progressive society.  This is why I’m so happy that Terry Schappert, who hosted Warriors on the History Channel, which went inside and trained with warrior cultures from around the world, has endorsed The Social Justice Warrior Handbook. The success of SJWs’ efforts to take down statues of military leaders shows that we are winning this battle (that’s warrior lingo!).

SJW: Why do you think SJWs are so underappreciated for all their contributions to society?

LDP: A lot of our work takes place in the shadows – complaining about holidays in parent-teacher meetings, complaining about the overly broad definition of “free speech” at college administrator meetings, and tweeting to corporate brands about problematic words. Thankfully, we have the media who help us elevate a few test cases.

SJW: In the book, you give an excellent tutorial on creating safe spaces. Why is it so important for an SJW to have his/her/xis/zir/their own safe space?

LDP: An important tenet of being an SJW is having our feelings and beliefs reinforced so we don’t have to face reality or be intellectually challenged. Obviously, college campuses are where safe spaces are needed the most, though administrators make it easier by banning conservative and libertarian speakers and suspending professors who present alternative views.

SJW: The fashion tips you give in the book are spot on. What is the most essential part of a SJW’s look?

LDP: You can buy or age any item of clothing in order to replicate an authentic vintage look. But, the essential part of your look should be your expression of disdain for whatever your political adversary is wearing. For example, Michelle Obama = YASSSS, Queen! Melania Trump = She’s so out of touch.

SJW: You spend a chapter discussing suggestions for developing a food philosophy. What’s your best tip for maximizing condescension in a person’s food philosophy?

LDP: Do the opposite of the predominant food philosophy in your city. If in a progressive state like California, eschew the vegan lifestyle for nose-to-tail (eating all parts of the animals). If you live in Texas, complain about Tex-Mex being cultural appropriation. Also, use words like “eschew” and “cultural appropriation.”

SJW: At one point in the book, you write, “By no means should you ever put politics aside.” Are you sure there’s never a time just to relax and have fun?

LDP: You can put politics aside in the short-term if it will benefit you in the long-term. For instance, living off your parents despite the fact that they watch Fox News.

SJW: In your explanation of the offensiveness of Halloween costumes, you were quite hetero-centric in mentioning construction worker costumes triggering women who have been catcalled. Queer and trans men may also have felt the pain of harassment by any number of these cis-gender stereotypes, but you didn’t mention that. Have you thought about that? HAVE YOU?!?!?!? What do you have to say for yourself?

LDP: How dare you mansplain my own book to me. I think it’s more appropriate for you to ask why you assumed the occupations mentioned are held by cis-gender, heterosexual men.

SJW: You mentioned the problem of phallic-shaped meat products at patriotic celebrations. Are vegan versions of these products acceptable, particularly if they are gluten-free and farm-to-table?

LDP: The more problematic aspect of vegan versions of meat products is that it normalizes the view that meat tastes amazing. For other options that are less restrictive, but still promote a food philosophy, read about Wage-Gapping and Nostalgic Eating in The Social Justice Warrior Handbook.

SJW: What are the best ways for aspiring SJWs to shake off their privilege and become free?

LDP: Buy my book at Barnes & Noble or your nearest brick and mortar bookstore. So retro!

SJW: One last question: is cultural appropriation ever okay? I mean, I like Mexican food. Can I eat it without experiencing guilt over appropriating the culture of Aztlan?

LDP: It’s OK if you also use it while virtue signaling. For example, you can eat authentic Mexican food (or Taco Bell after smoking medical marijuana prescribed for stress/switching majors) if you share on social media with an earnest message about how undocumented immigrants contribute to your enjoyment of their cuisine.

The Social Justice Warrior Handbook is available everywhere September 26. Be sure to check it out!

(Author’s note: yes, this is a parody interview.)