Columns
Premium

Kruiser's 'Worst Week Ever'—We Are All 'Mortal Kombat' Now

(Image: mintchipdesigns via Pixabay)
The Battle for the Fate of Earth Is SO On

I am a huge fan of the action film genre for a variety of reasons, chief among them being that I don’t like feelings. I don’t like having them, I don’t like being around people who are having them, and I really don’t like having my entertainment choices polluted with them.

One of the other big reasons is that it is a lot more fun to watch other people fighting than it is to be in a fight.

See? I’ve picked up some wisdom along the way.

via GIPHY

As I’ve mentioned before, I like to completely avoid politics and most of the real world on Saturdays. This past Saturday I decided to watch the new Mortal Kombat movie, not only because I love playing the game (I’ve never grown up), but because of the aforementioned love of movies that don’t have feelings (screaming in agony doesn’t count) in them.

It didn’t disappoint. Action movies rarely do with me because I know how to manage expectations. I’m actually going to write a column about that this week.

There were no political messages in the movie but the entire plot could be construed as an allegory for one, particularly if you are a conservative who is dismayed at the general direction of the country, the world, and maybe even the universe.

The grand prize for the tournament in this Mortal Kombat movie is the fate of the entire planet. It’s a mindless action movie based on a video game that wasn’t tied into some garbage climate change messaging. No, really. I was stone-cold sober when I watched it and I swear that none of that was in there.

The thing is, I couldn’t stop from relating the plot of the film to all of this b.s. that’s swirling around us right now. I’m not one for believing that we’re in the midst of an existential, apocalyptic crisis whenever the political winds aren’t blowing my way. I am, however, also a realist and I will freely admit that we may now be apocalypse-adjacent.

There is a tug-of-war going on for the soul of this great land right now, that much is evident. I hesitate to call it a “war” because I don’t think our side has really been fighting. Until recently (thank you, Donald Trump) anyway.

In the movie, a soul-sucking evil god from another world is going to enslave all of humanity and rule Earth forever if his champions win the tournament.

Eerily familiar, right?

Right now the evil we face isn’t from another universe, it’s from another country and time. Russia in the 20th century.

The commies aren’t banging at the door here, they’re already inside the house and they are trying to cut off all communication with freedom.

It is time to take this fight seriously. In a recent podcast, Jesse Kelly and I discussed a lot of this. The picture is bleak, but there is plenty that we can be doing. To paraphrase Al Sharpton, “Doing we must.” We need to start fighting harder at the local level or all will be lost. And I do mean fight. Leftists play the long game very well. They also don’t hesitate to get rough. For far too long people on our side of the aisle have placed a premium on gentlemanly behavior and staying above the fray.

Yeah…no.

Gentlemanly Republicans and conservatives let the commies overrun almost everything in this country because they didn’t want The New York Times to say mean things about them. Every time someone goes on about what a “decent” guy George W. Bush is my head comes perilously close to exploding. I’m sure he and Mitt Romney will make lovely companions for you at the gulag their weakness helped send you to.

Like it or not, we’re living the plot of Mortal Kombat. We win this battle or the bad guys take over for good. If it doesn’t feel like a battle to you then you’re probably just dancing around on the periphery and shouting things rather than committing to the fight.

By the way, there is nothing that says we can’t make this fun. We are on the side that does like to have a good time, after all. Leftists are not only devoted to the struggle, they are committed to being miserable. The happy warrior thing is real. It took me a long time to realize that but I’m all in now.

Let’s go dispatch the soul-suckers and have a good time doing it.

I’m off to find a Jason Statham movie now.