Kruiser's (Almost) Daily Distraction: Can We Trade Harry and Meghan to Canada for Some Beer?

Suits Really Wasn’t That Good

(Kruiser’s Permanote Description: This column is intended to be a lighthearted, short-form way to frequently connect with our cherished VIP readers. Sometimes it will be serious. Sometimes it will be fun. Sometimes it will be a cornucopia of intellectual curiosities and fascinations. OK, maybe not so much the last one. Anyway, as this is a departure for me, I’m including this explanation at the top of each post for a while. Also, non-subscribers can see the first couple of paragraphs so I am in desperate need of filler until we get to the private stuff (subscribe here). Please remember that there is a standing invitation to ask me anything in the comments. Once a week, I’ll answer.)

Let me begin by saying that I promise to get around to answering some questions this week. I’ve been shirking my duties there. I’m back, I’m focused, and I’m an open book.

If you’re wondering how paste-eaters like Joe Biden can rise to the top of the political world here look no further than Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry — the Duke and Duchess of Somecrap — on Sunday night. Nielsen says that 17.1 million people tuned in here in the United States, which to me is an indication that we should never open public schools again.


Bryan, Treacher, and Tyler hit the interview from different angles on Monday. I will now be making the case that we shouldn’t pay attention to these nitwits by writing a fourth PJ Media post about them for the day.

Hey, I have a contract and quotas to fulfill.

I don’t run in personal or professional circles filled with people who are fascinated by the British royal family. Do I think that Queen Elizabeth is probably an immortal intergalactic alien and am I a bit intrigued by the prospect? Sure. Other than that though, they really don’t do anything for me.

My disinterest has nothing to do with the American Revolution reasons, all of which are most valid. No, it’s simpler than that: I just find them all to be boring. They may very well find me boring too. Most people don’t, but who knows what floats a British royal’s boat? And I don’t have Oprah trying to shove me in everyone’s faces.

The Meghan and Harry drama is particularly tedious. In a sane world, Meghan Markle would have followed up her role on Suits with a few years of Hallmark Christmas movies and faded into the one-hit wonder sunset.

Now she’s going to be getting media time for years to whine about how torturous it is to marry someone who’s insanely wealthy and doesn’t have to work for any of it. That’s media time I could use, people.

The United States needs to begin serious negotiations with Canada. I’m not even a huge fan of Canadian beer but I think giving them Harry and Meg in exchange for a few cases of Molson is a good deal. They’ve always been royal fetishists up there. Harry’s grandma is on their money. They could finally get that “almost in England” feeling with Harry installed as His Right Royal Duke of Newfoundland and Labrador and Meghan hitting “Good Morning Canada” every week to tell people how much her life sucks.

If Canada doesn’t want to give us the beer, see if they’ll take Harry and Meg anyway.


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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.