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Jill Biden Makes the Cover of 'Vogue' in a Dress Reminiscent of My Grandmother's Drapes

Aaron Chown/Pool photo via AP

Joe Biden’s caretaker, Jill Biden Ed.D., made the cover of Vogue magazine this month. They are really trying to make her America’s mom or something. At least it seems that way. She appears on the cover in a dress my second-grade teacher might have worn on parent-teacher conference night—though I am sure she paid a lot more for her frock than Mrs. Capps did at Sears:

I have seen drapes, shower curtains, and sofas in a similar print. I am sure I will be accused of some internalized misogyny when I say Dr. Jill always looks like she needs to run a brush through her hair. The modified Farrah hairdo is dated and reminiscent of when she was partying large with her ex-husband at his exclusive club in Delaware, as pictures in the Daily Mail demonstrate. Seriously, the only thing that has changed is that the bangs are covering her forehead (an excellent move as the worry lines start to deepen).

The online fawning over her appearing on the Vogue cover is almost as absurd as when CNN tried to compare Jill Biden to Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton, a classically beautiful and impeccably styled woman thirty years Biden’s junior:

The anchors gushed over Biden’s jacket, emblazed with “Love,” which was meant to “answer” Melania Trump’s raincoat that said, “I really don’t care do u?” Talk about living rent-free in somebody’s head. The constant need for the Bidens and the media to compare and contrast the current first couple to the last one is pathetic. Melania’s jacket was a pointed message to a particular group of people, the corporate media, who constantly criticized her every move. She relocated some trees from the Rose Garden, and you would have thought she shot John F. Kennedy herself.

If Jill’s jacket was a response to Melania’s, it certainly sends an unmistakable message. No one doubts she loves the corporate media that fawn over, cover for, and prop up her husband, whose recent performance should concern all Americans. His stumbles at the G-7, bizarre whispering episode, and racist comments about Hispanic Americans were terrible enough. Then he decided to contrast the firepower of legal gun owners with that of the U.S. military.

Related: Did Joe Biden Threaten American Gun Owners With F-15s and Nuclear Weapons?

If we are talking about America’s mom, I’m pretty sure Melania comes out ahead. She was ferociously protective of her son Barron and did what she could to shield him from public criticism. He appeared with the family when appropriate and necessary, but not often. Melania also took her time relocating Barron to Washington, D.C., to avoid disrupting his life unnecessarily. When Rosie O’Donnell suggested that Barron was autistic, Melania threatened a lawsuit, forcing an apology from O’Donnell.

Related: Why Is Jill Biden Being Sent to Hold Diplomatic Meetings at the Tokyo Olympics?

In contrast, if we believe the content on Hunter Biden’s laptop, Joe and Jill were content to allow their son to enter into shady business deals to enrich the family. Meanwhile, Hunter lived a life full of debauchery, including a well-known dalliance with his brother’s widow. His personal documents are symbolic of someone who lives life with no boundaries. And the couple uses the tragic death of Beau Biden for political purposes the same way Joe Biden used the death of his first wife early in his career.

Some people wonder if Jill Biden, Ed.D., is actually running the country after the tweet about prepping for the G-7. There are rumors she will be the diplomatic representative at the Tokyo Olympics in her husband’s place. She really ought to thank her lucky stars that Vice President Kamala Harris has proven herself to be a public relations disaster. Otherwise, we’d be seeing the first female president on the cover of Vogue, and Jill Biden Ed.D. would be an asterisk in history.