Dear Morning Briefing readers,
BREAKING BOMBSHELL; I regret to inform you your fearless leader—and my mentor—Pan Kruiser has been carried off into the desert by six javelinas.
The Communist News Network (CNN) is joyously reporting that Kruiser has been eaten alive by the javelinas, but no one can confirm that.
What do we know?
FACT-ORAMA! Javelinas are timid, desert-dwelling beasts that would likely back down from a fight with a 5-lb. pug.
FACT-O-RAMA II The word “Pan” is Polish for “Mr.”
FACT-O-RAMA III Five rounds is more than enough for Pan Krusier to take on a pack of javelinas and a mess of those troublesome cacti.
FACT-O-RAMA IV I KNOW Kruiser won’t damage the cacti. You dont need to leave it in the comments. Instead, leave me a bourbon cocktail recipe!
Pan Kruiser is FINE—I promise. Those six pesky javelinas are no match for KRUISER’S revolver (or does he have a gun, Mr. FBI guy reading this???) or for Kruiser’s American GRIT. At least one of those javelinas will have to be killed by hand. #Promise #KruiserHasThis #FreshJavelinaForDinner
PINKOS
Ladies and Gentlemen (can I still say that?)…
I feel I am failing at sounding the alarm about the COMMUNISTS TAKING OVER EVERYTHING.
I spent the weekend at a Bud-Light-free celebration of American Independence in the great state of Michigan. I spoke to many patriotic revelers, while eating walleye, about the World Economic Forum’s (WEF) plan to enslave us in 6.5 years. NO ONE knew what I was talking about.
PINKO-RAMA! Google “U.N. Agenda 2030” (or click my link, yo!). Those Klaus Schwab commie globalist prags are seriously trying to control every aspect of our lives. I do hope you will look into this. P.S . “Prag” is a really funny word I hope my DARLING editor doesn’t look up because I want to keep using it. [Editor’s note: I googled it and got Romanian for “threshold.” I’m just going to pretend that’s the only definition out there.]
So, once again, I stand on the shoulder of a giant to preach the following:
- Please consider that I may be correct that the globalists want to enslave you, your kids, and your grandchildren. Do everything to thwart them.
- You are living in a historical time. You are the new patriot.
- your blue-haired, leftist sister-in-law is wrong; you are not a “bigot” because you don’t want your granddaughter reading gay porn in the 4th grade
- Hunter Biden totally dropped a bag of “cocaína” at the White House
- “Cocaína” is Spanish for “cocaine.” That’s what Hunter left at the WHITE HOUSE
STINKOS
Party at the White House: Kids and Cocaine, Sniffers’ Choice
Hunter left the bag ‘o cola beans in the White House. I PROMISE. I have known a ton of coke heads. I watched that video of Hunter Biden looking zonked-out at the White House and thought, “Dang, I seen a bunch dudes lookin’ like that.”
FACT-O-RAMA! Gropey Joe sniffs kids, and sometimes showers with them.
Trust me, Hunter was coked out.
That video of him allegedly hitting his blow one-hitter. Is it real? Possibly, but not definitively. But as a guy who has seen a lot of people banged up, he looks like a top-notch drug addict.
PUERTO RICOS
As you may know, I have the pleasure and privilege of being engaged to a 100% Puerto Rican woman. A real woman, not a dudette.
LOCO-RAMA! She might be the only pro-Trump, Puerto Rican woman ever who carries a copy of the Constitution in her pocketbook.
PS: The word “pocketbook” means “purse” in most of the country.
In a recent conversation, Jessica, said, “I have a list of the top 10 red counties throughout the country. You wanna take a look and move back to America?”
These words were like verbal Viagra to me.
Yes, I want to move back to the country where I was born on Nov. 21, 1965, two years after the “the coup” began. Actually, I wish I’d been born sooner.
I see the CIA. I see the military-pharmaceutical-industrial complex. I see the globalists putting a 9mm round in my head because I won’t start my day with a grasshopper smoothie.
My WWII-era grandfather used to say, “Jr., you won’t live to see freedom.” Granted, he was locking me up in his crawlspace. But still, it was prescient. KIDDING. I had no idea what he meant. Now, I can’t not see it.
PAUSE FOR A CAUSE
You should listen to my radio show, the Kevin Downey, Jr. Show, every Mon-Fri, 10-11 a.m. EST at LINEWSRADIO.com. It’s a funny, anti-commie show to start your day. Set an alarm NOW!
Half the nation thinks you’re a terrorist because you know that a mentally ill dude in a dress is not at all like your mom.
Those same cretins think your guns are slaughtering people nationwide, and want you disarmed just in time for the globalists to take your car—you know, to save the planet.
INCONVENIENT TRUTH-O-RAMA! The whole “climate change” codswallop is flapdoodle to make you think you’re a rascal for not turning in your car, dishwasher, and lightbulbs to “save the planet.” Don’t buy it. It’s another ruse to control you. Also, I just used a few old-timeys words. I hope you dug it.
I have a sneaking suspicion that We, the People will win this upcoming round against the commies. The globalists will be mocked for the jackpuddings they are. Let freedom ring!
I know Pan Kruiser throws in a video or two every morning, so check out this seal dodging a killer whale.
A seal jumps into a boat to escape from a killer whale pic.twitter.com/6VV8CtYjIk
— Captain Singh, FICArb, 73K (@captsingh) October 17, 2020
Here is a brief video of me going into the house in Detroit where I grew up.
Advice Column:
Long Island: Stay out of the water.
Michigan: Don’t use the wrong pronouns or your commie governor “Stretchin'” Gretchen Whitmer might lock you up for five years.
NYC: Your mayor is a gutless puke.
Irvine, Ky.: Some dude found a body while working on his driveway. “Trick or treat” as you will in October, but BE CAREFUL.
Blue cities: There have been 361 mass shootings this year, and most ARE IN YOUR TOWNS
PARTING SHOT
Watch for a Hunter Biden bombshell next week. I heard it from a silly goose.
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