KDJ's Afternoon Roundup: Why Do I Have to Be Gay for the Next 30 Days?

Pride Comes Before the Fall Summer!

This article will read way better if you listen to this song as you read:

Oddly, I woke up this morning fighting the creepy urge to put on a dress, shave my ass, and dance for the privileged children of liberals, something I haven’t done for 11 months. Why? Oh, wait,…

Pride month is upon us!

It’s June, and we know what that means: bending the knee to the pink mafia or, as I like to call the radical LGBT warriors, the gaystapo.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since straight, liberal Caucasians had the virtue-signaling pleasure of ordering a rainbow Whopper from Burger King. Don’t laugh. I’m streaming the HBO series Shameless, and I can assure you the show now somehow seems more diverse, equitable, and inclusive. And I happen to know that my sister’s Subaru Outback runs better on gay gas from Exxon.

Thank you to all the corporations who have turned your logos into rainbows for Pride month. Many of us struggle 11 months out of the year to find our dignity, but thanks to the affirmation from IBM, Burger King, Wells Fargo, and many more- June is the one month out of the year… pic.twitter.com/oTWexhaqLk

— Brandon Straka (@BrandonStraka) June 1, 2023

Now that I have to be gay for the next 30 days, what better way to celebrate all things queer than with some more music!

Hilariously, the Apple iTunes #1 song today — the official beginning of pride month — is “Boycott Target” by Jimmy Levy, Nick Nittoli, Stoney Dudebro, and Forgiato Blow. We can’t buy that kind of irony.

BREAKING REPORT: Pride month BEGINS with 'BOYCOTT TARGET'🎯firmly holding the #1 SPOT on the Apple iTunes charts for ALL music..

SONG LINK: https://t.co/bpi7cKgHEt pic.twitter.com/gHoKdVEIgS

— Chuck Callesto (@ChuckCallesto) June 1, 2023

June wasn’t always so pink. In fact, when I was a child — in a country that no longer exists — Disney’s fairy godmothers didn’t even have penises.

"I spent so much time feeling shame and being hard on myself until I thought, ‘You can enjoy this process or make it really difficult for yourself.’ I'm a pregnant man, and I'm proud to do what I'm doing.” #Pride #PrideMonth pic.twitter.com/6lHFSsbKVu

— British GLAMOUR (@GlamourMagUK) June 1, 2023

And before gay people were allowed to marry, no one had heard the word “transgender.”

I first heard the term roughly two minutes after the Supreme Court gave the gay crowd the right to marry. The far-left Marxists needed a new group of victims pawns to exploit, and who better than the nation’s tiny crop of chicks with sticks?

FACT-O-RAMA! No less than 40% of trans people will attempt suicide. Encouraging them in their mental illness is cruel. It’s almost as if the commie leftists don’t care about them and are just using them to promote division. Weird, oui? 

Even worse, major American companies who also had not heard the word “transgender” have — in just a few years — gone from encouraging people who suffer from gender dysphoria to actually recruiting kids into their evil cult.

Pepperidge Farm remembers when female genital mutilation was seen as abhorrent. Now, liberal wackjob parents ghouls dream of their sons asking Santa for “bottom surgery.”

FACT-O-RAMA! Bottom surgery for boys involves splitting the penis like a banana peel and forming it into what I will call a fauxgina.

RELATED: A Victim Too Far: How Transgenders Will Bring Down the Lefty Marxists Who Want to Destroy America

A beautiful, wise man once asked, “Why can’t tolerance and acceptance be enough?” Why can’t “live and let live” be the rule once again? When can we just go back to living our lives and not forcing sexuality — or anything else — down everyone’s throats?

Because it was never the goal. Total subjugation was the plan all along. The Marxists, who, incidentally, don’t care at all for the LGBT mob, want us to bend the knee to the pink Mephistopheles. If they can make you believe a man is a woman, they control you. They own you.