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Daily Dose of Downey: Hockey, Drag Queens vs. Rodeo Clowns, and Who's More Pathetic

(AP Photo/Hassan Ammar)

Hockey is the closest we will come to a gladiator sport. Men on ice chase a puck with sticks and they get to fight. It’s glorious.

If you aren’t watching hockey you’re missing out on a great postseason. The Islanders are leading the Bruins three games to two in the second round of playoffs. Montreal was down three games to one against the Maple Leafs in the first round but won three in a row to win the series, giving them mad mojo into the next round, where they swept the Winnipeg Jets in four games.

Sacre Bleu

The Canadiens (le Habs) have won seven games in a row and haven’t trailed in almost 300 minutes of play. They’ve only played Canadian teams with a capacity of 2,500 fans per game allowed in Montreal’s Bell Center due to COVID restrictions. Most fans can’t even sit near the ice. Quebec had the harshest commie lockdown rules in North America, including an 8:00 pm curfew. Breaking curfew meant a fine of $5,000 Canadian dollars, which in the states is about $80 bucks (kidding).

Montreal will play the winner of the Colorado-Las Vegas match-up which may prove interesting as both cities are filling their arenas for games. Montreal is on a great streak but they haven’t had to play a game on the road against a sold-out crowd. The Islanders’ fans are jabronis and the Golden Knights’ fans seem to be especially rabid this year. My team, the Detroit Red Wings, is killing it on the golf course.

What a Drag

Am I the only one bored by drag queens? How needy can a man person be? I wasn’t hugged a lot as a kid either but I’ve never felt the need to put on a dress and shake my culo, lip-synch Whitney Houston tunes, and beg for tips. I’m not a “Dragophobe.” Men in lipstick and nylons don’t scare me. They are just so boring they could put a can of Red Bull to sleep. Liberal hot spots like New York City kiss the shaved, satin-covered keisters of a man in panties gyrating his taped-up business to jock jams. I’m not sure which is lower on the showbiz totem pole, drag queens or rodeo clowns.

Cry Clown Cry

Imagine hating yourself so much that you’ll take a horn to the groin to protect a cowboy who makes mad stacks for sitting on a bull for nine seconds. A rodeo clown’s job is to throw himself in front of an angry, humiliated 400-poind animal looking for revenge. For what? Rodeo clowns, oops I mean Rodeo Protection Athletes, make around $50,000 a year, which isn’t horrible, but now you have to buy make-up, baggy clothes, and, ready,…this is good, GO TO RODEO CLOWN SCHOOL. Mom and dad won’t be proud, but it’s probably their atrocious parenting skills that lead these tragic souls to rodeo clown school in the first place.

Drag queen vs. rodeo clown, which is lower in the world of showbiz? Which would paralyze your family with shame more?

Worst of Both Worlds

Can’t choose between life as a drag queen or a rodeo clown?  This America, you don’t have to choose. You can be both.

AP/Reuters Feed Library

A world I never knew existed until I started researching for this article, gay rodeos, with drag queen rodeo clowns Rodeo Protection Athletes.

“Mom, dad, this is hard to tell you but I’m a drag queen….”

“Son, we love you. We will stand by,..”

“And I’m a rodeo clown.”

“GET OUT”

Super bonus! As I was looking for pics to use for this article I searched our database using the words “drag queen rodeo.” I got one pic of a drag queen rodeo clown (above) and 12 pictures of Biden. #NoLIe!