In honor of Cinco de Mayo, today’s day-drinking cocktail is the MAGA-rita! My Puerto Rican (not Mexican) Trump-loving girlfriend and I came up with this beast:
- Documented Tanteo jalapeño tequila
- Triple sec
- Lime juiceA little pomegranate juice, (because MAGA means red!)
- Build the wall of salt around glass rim
- Assimilate all ingredients
What better day to remind Trump haters that Trump NEVER said that “All Mexican’s are rapists and drug dealers.” Watch them argue/salivate so much that you won’t know if they are trying to make a point or spit-shine their shoes.
Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of the Mexican Army defeating the French in 1862. On that same day, Union and Confederate forces clashed near Williamsburg, Virginia. Nearly four thousand American men were killed/injured/captured/missing, but their sacrifices can’t compete with guacamole and tequila! PARTY!
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Progressives are hyper-focused on how our racist founding fathers musket-slaughtered Native Americans but seem to forget Mexicans are descended from Spanish explorers who musket-slaughtered Native Americans.
Mexico actually apologized yesterday to the Mayans for 500 years of “abuses,” including near-extinction and slavery. The apology comes just in time for a vote involving a tourist train Mexican el Presidente Obrador wants to build, which, ironically, runs through Riviera Maya.
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President Obrador is meeting with Kamala Harris to discuss his “Sembrando Vida” (Sowing Life) plan, which involves the U.S. paying Mexicans to plant one billion trees throughout Mexico and Central America, then offer citizenship to the workers involved. I’m not sure what the U.S. stands to gain from this deal, other than pacifying the tree-huggers who would LOVE to hug one billion trees.
BONUS, generations of illegal immigrants would be able to walk to the U.S. in the shade.
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Kamala Harris will celebrate Cinco de Mayo by not visiting the border for the 43rd consecutive day, but will consider visiting a South Carolina tourist trap “South of the Border.”
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THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE: A woke friend of mine told me she was boycotting “blood diamonds” because so many people are killed in the trade, nine minutes after she huffed a pile of cocaine. I reminded her that Mexican drug cartels stack bodies like an Ikea warehouse. Choose your battles, libs
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Most of Mexico doesn’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo. It’s celebrated more in the U.S. Mostly by jabronis in sombreros, gorging Coronas and tacos, and by the woke warlords screaming at them for “cultural appropriation!”
I’m going to celebrate today by sneaking across the Mexican border to see how THEY like it.
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