Progressive Christianity Watch: Flirty God, Lesbian Angels, and Other Things Not in Your Study Bible

It’s been a while since I’ve written a Progressive Christianity Watch. I have a trio of doozies for you today, so enjoy.

Let’s head over to Houston, where Rev. Lura Groen, a woman pastor (shocker) preaches at Grace Evangelical Lutheran Church, which is part of the far-left Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. She’s also an “out bisexual.”

Did you know that God has a crush on you, likes to flirt with you, and thinks of you as a pet? That’s how Groen “interprets” the Bible.

So that goodness and mercy can chase you, can consensually pursue you, can delightfully flirt with you, can want to be close to you for your whole life.
Those — Some of those were my translations. I see a couple people looking, "It doesn't say flirt with you." And no, it does. That is Pastor Lura’s. But it's Pastor Lura’s biblical interpretation because there's plenty of other places where scripture uses that language, that God is just head over heels in love with us.
God is head over heels in love with us. God has a crush on you. Did you know that? I talked earlier about how God might look at us as pets and think we're adorable and delightful and watch us the way that we watch cat videos online.

ELCA pastor Lura Groen says God has a crush on you and likes to flirt with you, but only does so consensually. pic.twitter.com/1CWdwAsklf
— Protestia (@Protestia) April 28, 2026

Oh, and by the way, “Goodness” and “Mercy” aren’t concepts or qualities for Groen; they’re God’s lesbian angels.

Note, she's previously described goodness and mercy as the names of God's queer lesbian angels pic.twitter.com/9kuGOrIQSN
— Protestia (@Protestia) April 28, 2026

I promise you that you can’t make this stuff up.

Sarah Trone Garriott is a female Lutheran pastor (shocker) who is running for Congress in Iowa as a Democrat. Twenty years ago, she actually conducted a wedding ceremony between two satanists, including a groom with a pentagram face tattoo, at her church.

In a Fox News report about the 2023 video, which has recently gone viral, Trone Garriott told more of the story:

"He asked me to pick the Scriptures," Trone Garriott said on stage in 2023, referring to the senior pastor. "Irritated, I flipped through the Bible. Should I pick something with Satan in it to make them feel more at home?"
"Eventually, I just put the bookmark in at 1 Corinthians 13," she continued. "If you have ever been to a Christian wedding, you’ve probably heard this Scripture. All they would get from me was [a] basic Lutheran wedding."
"When the Apostle Paul wrote these words, he certainly never had in mind a small town in West Virginia, two satanists and a Lutheran pastor in training," Trone Garriott said. "But Paul knew people, and people haven't changed that much over the centuries. It is hard to love one another. We often need to be reminded how."

“At no point in her speech did Trone Garriott suggest that she or the senior pastor had asked the couple to reject satanism,” the report continues.

“They had a lot of baggage between the two of them,” Trone Garriott said. “Still, there was no denying how they were looking at each other right now. ‘It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.’”

That little quote at the end there was from 1 Corinthians 13:6. Progressive Christians love to take the “love chapter” of 1 Corinthians out of context to justify everything from homosexuality to, in this case, satanists getting married at a church. It’s too bad she didn’t share the truth about Christianity with this couple; that would’ve been truth to rejoice in.

“I thought about how the people at the courthouse had lied to them and how they would have been treated if they had walked into any other church in town,” she added. The real liar is Trone Garriott for blessing this union and letting that couple walk out of that church believing that a minister approved of their lifestyle.

WATCH: Iowa Democrat congressional candidate Sarah Trone Garriott — a Christian minister — gushes about officiating a Satanist wedding: https://t.co/YSmudHCdfM pic.twitter.com/V5E9bXpS1M
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) April 20, 2026

Some people, like this unidentified United Church of Christ woman pastor (shocker), sound more like parodies of leftism than actual leftism:

You know Jesus had two mommies. The ever blessed Virgin Mary and the Holy Ghost. The Holy Spirit, who is female according to the grammar of the text.
That's a whole other trinity right there. Wisdom is calling gold-plated tin pot dictators in White Houses. Wisdom is calling the worshipers of white supremacy. Wisdom is calling plutocrats and autocrats.
Wisdom is calling the selfish, the warmongers, the bullies, the unmerciful, those to whom James speaks in chapter three.
Wisdom is calling those who use their power for the benefit of those who look like them, live like them, love like them, hate like them- ... discriminate like them, steal like them. Wisdom is calling those once noble black robed judges who sit high and low and rip the right to medical care from women and trans children and their parents.
Wisdom is calling. Pick up the phone, America. That's with three Ks.

What in the literal Hell is she talking about? But there’s more:

Remember, as you read your Bibles, there is a layer of translation, choices who have been made by folk who don't look like you, but also don't even see you. They not like us. In the name of the one who waded in the waters of Miriam's moon, walked the way of suffering as one of the woman born, and woke from the grasp of death in the deep darkness of the morning.

Again, what is she even saying? Your guess is as good as mine.

"That's 'Amerika' with three K's"

United Church of Christ 'pastor' explains that "Jesus had two mommies," blasts the Supreme Court for "ripping medical care from trans children" and asks that folk "sit under the tree of life and suckle on her root." pic.twitter.com/uibbDDl42g
— Protestia (@Protestia) April 29, 2026

As always, pray for repentance for all of these people.

This may or may not be a progressive church, but I’ll leave you with this: